You have low self-esteem.

If your parents: • Compared to mother's friend's daughter. There was always someone better to look up to. • They devalued: “Here I was already (a) at your age ...!”, “Four is not an assessment”, “Enough nonsense, she draws, she dances, it’s better to tidy up the room.” • You did not match the environment: old, not fashionable clothes, glasses, hair. Laughs for this. • There was a different attitude towards a brother/sister. • You felt unloved, didn't want or wanted a boy. • Criticized your appearance: eat little/much, crooked legs, "Pinocchio", "Cheburashka", not beautiful. • Noticed only shoals, and praise was not accepted and harmful. Are you suddenly spoiled? Low self-esteem is self-loathing, pessimism, and learned helplessness. Men neglect, do not notice, you seem to be afraid to live and be happy.