Seek or grow.

Peace and joy are not to be found outside. Anything found outside makes you dependent on something that is not you. However, you can be inspired by something from the outside world and put it inside yourself like a sprout. You can reflect things that you like using your imagination. Peace and joy have to be cultivated within yourself. This approach is much more encouraging than others. It requires no one but you, and no time but now. You just have to plant sprouts inside and start taking care of them.

Do you love yourself unconditionally?

Accepting yourself when you succeed is not difficult. Accepting yourself when you fail is something everyone learns sooner or later. Accepting oneself amidst strong feelings is something that any book or even the most superficial psychological coaching can teach you. But do you know how to accept yourself as inactive, standing at ground zero? To do it when you are incomprehensible to yourself and others. Give yourself time to duck or digest what's going on? How easy is that for you? Aren’t you spending all your energy to avoid facing your inactive self?

Getting out of a codependent relationship.

A person who has stopped playing co-dependent games and raping him/herself, who has escaped from the abusive system in one way or another, is often considered from inside the system as a traitor who has failed, abandoned, left alone, chosen the easiest way. No one is saying she or he is right. However, often a person has no other way to start a better life, except going for a betrayal, which, together with the pain, carries its healing power.

Just put up with it...

It is much easier to put up with some things a person does when you love her or him. But it's very hard when you don't feel love. Or you don't love him anymore. When there is no peace, no understanding, no strength to forgive. Humility with the actions of those you love multiplies love and gives a joint perspective. Love gives strength. You cannot make them up or call them out by order. They are already there. Accepting the actions of those you don't love gives you personal freedom and wisdom. It also gives you back your energy, your attention and makes you free. However, it takes a lot more mental effort.

What does it mean to love?

To love with all your heart means to drop all your thorns and understand that the person you love is also perhaps standing in front of you without armor. To love is to live with a naked heart, strong but defenseless, and to cherish someone's heart as your own. To love is to trust the world, like a child, forgetting how cruelly it sometimes treats us. To love is to be gentle, brave and daring. It means to truly live.

It seems that the most important quality in a person is his simplicity.

It is easy to settle down with such a person, because next to him the feeling of discomfort immediately disappears. Being simple does not mean being a simpleton, but it means being someone who does not impersonate another and is always honest with himself.

How to learn to refuse?

1) During the conversation, try not to interrupt the speaker, show respect for his situation and request 2) When refusing a request, do not delve into the detailed reasons for the refusal. Suffice it to say that at the moment you do not have such an opportunity (in a suitable interpretation) 3) If rejection is difficult for you, especially when you are taken by surprise, ask for an opportunity to think. During this time, formulate your refusal.

Live or plan?

Many people's lives consist of making plans for how they will do something, or of making plans about how they will make plans. For example, take up some sports, write a book, build a house, go on a trip somewhere, or just sit down and sort things out. And all these plans are never meant to come true, because there is always too little time, money, or effort. If there're some, it would be obvious that there are more obstacles on the inside than on the outside, even if there is a good chance and an opportunity. And it's not about time at all, since there is always enough time for what you really want.

To feel is to be alive.

Feelings arise in people, even if they are irrational and do not lead to the desired goal, even if they don't seem to make any sense. Feelings are not something that should serve a purpose. It is something that simply comes into being. It arises and it exists. And there's nothing you can do about it. You have to reckon with them. Sometimes you don't want to feel sad or ashamed. But these feelings, as well as any others, come no matter what you want. Sometimes you suddenly feel so hurt that you ask your business partner to wait and run to the bathroom to cry when no one is looking. And you can't explain to yourself what happened. You just feel so vulnerable and can't show it. Feelings make us vulnerable and open to the world in all its unpredictability. They make it possible to be with someone, to change, to find ourselves in unexpected places, to suffer and to rejoice. To be alive.

When it's hard to feel good.

When it's hard to feel good. In the life of a person who has experienced a lot of trauma, pain and disappointment, and then found healing after long time working on him/herself, there comes an interesting time... There comes a very strange and unnerving day when everything is well. It’s not an illusion, a catch or the lull before the storm, but an actually true "well". You just feel happy to live your life. It would seem that all of life's struggles took place to let this moment happen. You feel whole for the first time, and it's quite a strange feeling.

How to keep a man's interest?

I will reveal the secret of all men: every man has a subconscious program aimed at sleeping with as many women as possible. Either he satisfies his need for novelty with the help of different women, or with one. "Every woman should have a mystery." Have you heard such a phrase? In fact, it is not a mystery, but the energy of novelty. Novelty for a man is when a different energy comes from you. It doesn’t matter how you bring novelty: change your appearance, change your job, try a new hobby, go on a trip, learn new knowledge and skills, offer experiments in sex. All this changes your energy, and you transfer this state to a man, even just by communicating with him. Novelty holds a strong man, and repels a weak one. Therefore, starting the path of development, consider the fact that weak men will simply disappear from your field.

Music as a means of anchoring.

Many couples use it unwittingly, calling the songs "ours" and associating them with each other. You, too, can use this method, but not by accident. It is enough just to turn on the music a couple of times in front of a man and it will already be associated only with you. The same goes for "chants" or other pleasant sounds.

About criticism and humiliation.

It happens that you make someone literally crushed or humiliated by your words and behavior. She or he takes a harmless "it's hard for me to be around you" or "when I see you, I get anxious" as the harshest criticism or a violent attack. And then you wonder: "What did I say?" You've suddenly become a horrible monster to the other and no excuses can help. Or sometimes someone tells you that you have humiliated her or him, while you are sure that you would never do such a thing. You are again left wondering. How could this happen? The truth is that your words hurt the most when they coincide with what the person's "inner critic" tells him/her. People are crushed not by someone else's words, but by their feelings of inferiority.

The first step towards change.

No matter how many different opinions there are around, it is only you who decides, acts and evaluates the results of your decisions and actions - no one else. That's the message I try to convey to people every day. When they finally understand this, life changes dramatically. That's because the level of responsibility grows and you start to come up with a lot of different ideas. I am very happy to see these results. If a person can understand even this simple idea, my work is not in vain.

Wake up and listen to yourself

It is so important to do in our modern world where the flow of information is overwhelming and our attention is scattered! Do you know what's important to you? What do you want? What are your true goals and what does your soul want? To understand yourself, to hear yourself, and feel yourself. To do that, it's important to develop awareness, to get out of your head, because the head is only 20% of the body. We tend to sit firmly in the head analyzing everything, thinking, running in a hurry, feeling nothing, and then we don't understand what happened.

Enjoy. Even when someone is trying to drag you into struggle or misery.

Stay satisfied with yourself. Even when someone was expecting a different result from you. Believe in yourself. Even when someone important doubts you. Go forward. To know yourself better, not to prove something. Don't avoid yourself. There is no relationship that justifies self-sabotage.

How can I get help from my husband?

Tell your husband that you need his help But without reproaches and insults. Just tell him: "Darling, I'm tired, please stay with the children for a couple of hours." Make a to-do list for him Men love to act. Therefore, when a spouse has specific instructions, he will perceive this as an entertaining quest. Try to make at least one household chore regular for your husband. Something like a ritual. For example, on Saturday he goes to the park with his children, and you go to the cinema or shopping with your girlfriend.

A way to test your relationship without moving in.

Discuss your principles and expectations. You will definitely have a better chance if your values ​​match. At the beginning of the acquaintance, you can touch on them in passing, and when you feel that the matter is taking a serious turn, discuss them. Are you religious? Where do you want to live? Do you want to have children? How important is your career to you? In these discussions, keep two things in mind. First, falling in love makes potential sources of conflict seem insignificant. Secondly, do not forget that it is very difficult to predict your future actions. It may seem to the partner that he will do this and that, but it is not a fact that it will be so.

All we can do regarding our past is to accept it.

Believe me, absolutely all of us have something to discuss with a psychologist, no one's past is flawless. But no matter what you do, there is no method to change it. Only accept. However, you have to build your future, and it is always built in your "today". Your future isn't in diaries or tables, but in the actions of today.

At what age is it "too late" to change something, try new things, and follow your dreams?

Our desires are the main driving force that makes us do something. Assuming, of course, that these desires are really OURS, that is, not imposed by society. If that's true, then as soon as our desires arise in our minds, the amount of energy necessary to bring them to fruition arises too. People can be divided into three groups depending on their attitude towards their desires: People who dream a lot, but give up their dreams when faced with difficulties: because of disappointments, advice from "experienced" people and the seeming unrealism of their requests. ▪️"My partner said I was stupid dreaming of a big house, a nice car, decent money. It's not for us, it's too luxurious for people like us." ▪️"My friend told me I'd never get that job. It's all settled there, and there's no point in trying."