Dependent relationships.

Girls, I want to ask you one question: do you feel joy, love in a relationship, or do you feel bad next to this man, but there is no strength to break the connection? After all, when love causes more pain than pleasure, then you may be in a dependent relationship. Here are a few signs: • because of the fear of losing him, you endure rudeness, betrayal, coldness • the thought of ending a relationship or separation causes panic • you broke up with your loved one, but you can't cope with the feeling of a huge loss and you don't understand how to live on without him, life has lost its meaning If you recognize your relationship, then this is an alarming bell. The result of such a union can be completely killed self-esteem, depression, disappointment in oneself.

3 failed ways to interest a man.

What NOT to do under any circumstances: ▫️Pretend to be the woman of his dreams. After all, even if you mislead him, it will either open up very soon, or you will have to adapt to the image that you painted for him. ▫️Wait until he recognizes love in you and matures to start a serious relationship with you, or at least in bed. ▫️Manipulations: I'll fly and get it, I'll take it to bed and impress, I'll shoot my rivals and emerge victorious. If you impose yourself on a man who is not interested in you: you love him more than yourself.

About the feeling of being used.

It happens that the feeling of being used occurs when a person wanted to use a partner or a situation, but could not. For example, a woman who consents to sex, not out of a clear sexual desire but in the hope of a relationship, may feel used if she is not offered that relationship. Whereas a woman who consented to sex out of a clear sexual desire may feel satisfied, unsatisfied, angry, tired, embarrassed, sad, but in no way used. Because her actions coincided with her goals. They may have been slightly more or slightly less successful, but they coincided. During use and manipulation, the actions do not coincide with the goals. And then only chance will tell who will succeed in reaching that hidden goal and who will not.

Weekends, holidays and pauses put everything in its place.

Someone who loves you knows you in detail and agrees with all your systemic mistakes. And has long laughed at the way you repeat yourself, get angry, apologize, and cheat yourself again. Someone who wants to get to know you better clarifies and asks questions. Many questions. About tea, or shoelaces, or how wide you can open the window at night, or how you should be loved. Someone who sees a future together invests time and effort now. And if it's good now, you have to be around longer to have enough for the hard times that sometimes happen.

About illusion and reality

Some dreams are given to man not to fulfill them, but to become disillusioned with himself and his fantasies, and to start living in the real world now. A person becomes definitively mature when he realizes that this well-being does not depend on the efforts or opinions of others. And when he realizes that there is nothing wrong with the world. The only question is how to look at it and what kind of contact to make. People are most visible in the way they conceal something.

If you're lucky, you'll be alone.

All alone, when no one is around and you have to look for support on the ground and on yourself. If you're lucky and it's at the right time, life will hit you to crack you like a nut and get the kernel. If you're lucky and it's the right time, it will hurt you. So painful that the pain will almost make you die and then help you reborn from the inside out. If you're lucky, you will cry. And nothing can hold back those tears. And release will come through them, and then - real life.

Is it possible to keep a man with children?

Women naively believe that as soon as the first child is born in a young family, you can relax and stop working on relationships. After all, the baby is so cute, and dad is so happy. Where will he go now - it is necessary to educate the heir. The fact is that men and women have different attitudes to the appearance of children. And if the husband has no feelings for his wife, then the little fidgets will become only a weapon for manipulation.

Questions to help spouses understand.

I have prepared for you questions that you can ask each other during a conversation: • What is the relationship between us? • What needs to be done to get them back on track? • Is there a third person? • Is there love? • Is it possible to live without insults? With positive answers, you can start talking about the cause of the insults and possible ways to eliminate them.

Turn off "teacher mode"!

Some ladies already on the first date begin to load topics about family responsibilities, threaten with a finger if the gentleman has his own views on the main life issues. An edifying tone in dealing with men has never brought success. In general, the most thankless task is to try to remake a person. But many women believe that over the years their husband will definitely change. You just need to "re-educate" him correctly. A terrible mistake that has already destroyed millions of families.

Is it worth keeping a man if he decides to leave?

The answer is obvious: you won’t be forced to be nice. Any woman understands this. However, for some reason it does exactly the opposite. She can be understood. In fact, such a reaction to a breakup is normal, it is the strongest stress. At first, you are shocked by the fact that you are being abandoned. Then you deny that this is possible, his decision seems like nonsense, a mistake. Then you get angry and bargain. In the third stage of living through a breakup, you're trying to get it all back, no matter what the cost. The red light turns on: “He's mine! I can fix everything! We should be together!".

What not to do in a conflict.

Push a partner. You can not categorically demand that the husband accept your point of view. Demand the impossible. That is, for a person to give up his principles or vital interests. Such things destroy relationships and do not bring happiness. Tolerate. Sometimes we hope that the person himself will understand what we do not like. As a result, we endure for a long time and then explode. Such an explosion can be a very difficult test for a relationship. Blackmail. That is, issue ultimatums, demand something with the words "Otherwise I ...". It may even work, but later it will turn against you. Throw tantrums. Showing emotions is a must. But it is important to communicate adequately, controlling yourself as much as possible.

How to relax to be more productive.

The brain needs a break. The more we are stressed, the more overloaded the brain. Stress hormones are produced, anxiety wakes up. And now we are no longer able to think clearly - and here it is not far from mistakes. To keep yourself in good shape, I advise you to do timers with breaks. You can try several options and choose the most suitable one. For example: 25/5, 52/17. The first figure is the time of work, the second is the rest.

Strive for balance.

We waste a lot of energy in vain, because different aspects of our life - both external and internal - contradict each other. You may be held back by a colleague who does not want you to be promoted, by friends who laugh at your goals, or by your own fears and doubts. Take some time and try to unravel the conflicts that have accumulated in your life and find ways to resolve them. Sometimes all it takes is changing one thing. Sometimes you need a long-term plan to get rid of toxic environments or beliefs that are holding you back.

Devaluation - what is it and why?

Depreciation is the removal of value from objects or relationships so that they become less meaningful and cannot affect you. They can't upset you, hurt you, change you, or at least affect you in some way. This is one way of psychological defense. It is used by the legendary fox in Aesop's fable, saying that "the grapes are green," and thus, not worth her effort. And the whole point is that she just can't get those grapes and tries to soothe her pain by devaluing them. Depreciation often kills a relationship by not allowing it to experience the transformation it is meant to experience.

Frustration - what is it and why?

In short, the process of removing rose-colored glasses. Letting go of a fascination that was not the quality of the object of fascination, but something of yours, contrived. Encountering reality, as it were. Disillusioned with what the object of your fascination is not, you can finally see what it really is. And start to interact with it without fantasies. As an example, the man opposite is not a guru, but just a good specialist in his field. And that is often much more valuable than a guru. For it is real and close.

We can't give up expectations.

Especially those really essential to us and affect our deepest needs. That’s why we are often offended by those closest to us, or those with whom we have a deep relationship. Expectations suddenly reveal all of our vulnerability, which is all the more difficult to show to someone who has not lived up to them. That's why, when you get a message about a sudden evening sickness, you try only to colorlessly reply, "Well, all right, get well..." - and hang up, feeling a lump in your chest and stomach. Or a hole that isn't filled at all. Eastern wisdom suggests giving up expectations. Just take things as they are.

Why are we offended?

We are offended only when we have unreasonable expectations that weren’t destined to come true, and that are difficult to refuse. For example, someone has agreed to spend a pleasant intimate evening with you, and the day before (or even half an hour after the appointed time) they call and say that they feel sick and won’t come... A familiar story? It’d seem that the reason is valid, but how much resentment rises!

About resentment and childhood relationships.

Recognizing your own grievances or, at least, an ability to identify them, is already the first step to growing up. Resentment is a childish pattern of behavior. Typically, when people talk about childish behavior patterns, they mention it with disdain and underlying criticism, wanting to shame the person they are talking about. In my view, childlike behavior patterns are simply signs of what level a person is at now and what their actual needs are. A child's level is no worse than an adult's. It just needs to be understood that it has its own tasks.

One request, one complaint.

Some women make the biggest mistake. In one quarrel, they manage to express everything that has boiled over months or even years. Make it a rule to voice only one wish at a time. When you criticize your husband, he sees in you not a beloved woman, but a primary school teacher who only wants to teach. And, of course, don't get personal.

Constructive dialogue.

When you talk about your claims, it is important to talk about what you don’t like about a person’s behavior, actions, but in no case touch on his personal qualities, otherwise the disassembly can drag on indefinitely. Compare: “I don’t like that you put things here and there because I just cleaned and I want it to be clean” Or: "You're a slob, you always make a mess and you never clean up after yourself" Conflicts in which there is a goal to push the partner under your model, template, as well as conflicts in which offensive statements are allowed, do not benefit the relationship.