Frustration - what is it and why?

In short, the process of removing rose-colored glasses. Letting go of a fascination that was not the quality of the object of fascination, but something of yours, contrived. Encountering reality, as it were. Disillusioned with what the object of your fascination is not, you can finally see what it really is. And start to interact with it without fantasies. As an example, the man opposite is not a guru, but just a good specialist in his field. And that is often much more valuable than a guru. For it is real and close.

We can't give up expectations.

Especially those really essential to us and affect our deepest needs. That’s why we are often offended by those closest to us, or those with whom we have a deep relationship. Expectations suddenly reveal all of our vulnerability, which is all the more difficult to show to someone who has not lived up to them. That's why, when you get a message about a sudden evening sickness, you try only to colorlessly reply, "Well, all right, get well..." - and hang up, feeling a lump in your chest and stomach. Or a hole that isn't filled at all. Eastern wisdom suggests giving up expectations. Just take things as they are.

Why are we offended?

We are offended only when we have unreasonable expectations that weren’t destined to come true, and that are difficult to refuse. For example, someone has agreed to spend a pleasant intimate evening with you, and the day before (or even half an hour after the appointed time) they call and say that they feel sick and won’t come... A familiar story? It’d seem that the reason is valid, but how much resentment rises!

About resentment and childhood relationships.

Recognizing your own grievances or, at least, an ability to identify them, is already the first step to growing up. Resentment is a childish pattern of behavior. Typically, when people talk about childish behavior patterns, they mention it with disdain and underlying criticism, wanting to shame the person they are talking about. In my view, childlike behavior patterns are simply signs of what level a person is at now and what their actual needs are. A child's level is no worse than an adult's. It just needs to be understood that it has its own tasks.

One request, one complaint.

Some women make the biggest mistake. In one quarrel, they manage to express everything that has boiled over months or even years. Make it a rule to voice only one wish at a time. When you criticize your husband, he sees in you not a beloved woman, but a primary school teacher who only wants to teach. And, of course, don't get personal.

Constructive dialogue.

When you talk about your claims, it is important to talk about what you don’t like about a person’s behavior, actions, but in no case touch on his personal qualities, otherwise the disassembly can drag on indefinitely. Compare: “I don’t like that you put things here and there because I just cleaned and I want it to be clean” Or: "You're a slob, you always make a mess and you never clean up after yourself" Conflicts in which there is a goal to push the partner under your model, template, as well as conflicts in which offensive statements are allowed, do not benefit the relationship.

How to make your husband rich?

Women do not understand that they drive all the masculinity in their chosen one to death into a corner, taking responsibility for everything. A man will not become complete next to a mother woman. On the contrary, he will become a little boy, a child to be looked after. Did you marry a child? Your assertiveness and eternal piling detract from all his masculine qualities, the male instinct hides behind an inferiority complex and does not allow him to move on. Only the man whose beloved allows him to make decisions leads him to real wealth. She inspires him to exploits for her own sake, and he moves mountains. She gives him wings and he begins to soar in the clouds.

I don't like him.

Everyone has long known the formulation that if you don't like something in another person, you have to look for it in the shadow part of yourself. Seek it out, accept it, explore it, and then you'll "let go”. But you don't know what it is that you don't like in people. If you take everything in and dig it out, it will take a long time. So you don't like it and you don't like it. Maybe something just doesn't suit you. For example, the smell isn't right or the way you dress. So the first thing to pay attention to is what you actively dislike. To those situations where, instead of just stepping away from your partner, you stay around and try to actively redo him, blame or shame him. And you can't calm down. You explain to him why he's wrong, and you can't calm down.

What do we learn from frustrating experiences?

The contact of one human being with another is always valuable if one sees the essence. Sufi wisdom says: the one who hurts you, blesses you. He sends you on a journey that you would never dare to undertake on your own.

As we get closer to pleasure, the closer we get to vulnerability.

For pleasure is possible when a person connects with himself, stops analyzing, and simply goes through what's happening to him. The closer we are to vulnerability, and so, to real feeling, the less control we have. And the lower the control, the closer to the surface everything that is contained. That's why people who hold back pain, anger, grief, or fears are almost inaccessible to pleasure. Pleasure and vulnerability are inseparable. You cannot turn on all the senses and turn off what is not lived. And as soon as control is reduced, the restrained and hidden comes to the surface with all clarity.

Advantages of conflict in marriage.

Remember that conflict is a phase that affects many couples, but it can be overcome. Do not be afraid of conflicts, but learn to solve them: even the most difficult and uncomfortable situation, if it is discussed, can become an impetus for the development of your relationship and the search for new prospects.

Can passion be returned?

First of all, you need to decide whether you need a further relationship with a person who could not stand the difficulties, lost interest in you, fell out of love and, most likely, found a replacement. To change the situation, we must move forward, and not stand still. If you want to return the old emotions - work on yourself. Be sure to talk to your husband, do not hush up the problems.

Partner woman.

She knows how to listen like no one else. Everything that her man wants to tell about is interesting and important to her - from problematic and difficult moments in his work to incredible ideas with which he is full. It is important to be able to give a man the feeling that you are on his side, his main ally and support in those moments when it is really needed.

A major family illusion is that relatives are the closest people.

And automatically, obligatorily and completely. And that's not true. They may have chosen each other on a soul level, but as people, they just got each other. That's why relatives are the first people where we meet not only with love, but also with impossibility, misunderstanding, absence and disappointment. Relatives are people given to us to adjust our filter and learn to discern. Take the necessary and spit out the unnecessary, even if it is systematically under our noses. And eventually, discover ourselves by separating from others.

About Resources and Holes

Dealing with resources ultimately boils downs to facing with the holes, into which these resources leak. It's also about assimilation. Until a person realizes he’s like a moose that drinks and drinks, and he’s getting worse and worse, nothing will change globally. You can receive information, support and warmth for hours and tons, but if you spit it out or stockpile it aside and don't notice or just lose it, no one from the outside will help. As you can only find the hole in contact with others. But fixing the hole is always a work in itself.

The brain always wants more, even if it doesn't make us happy.

Psychologists from Princeton University in New Jersey decided to find out how people get trapped in an endless thirst for the fulfillment of more and more material desires, and how psychological problems can develop because of this. The simulation experiment showed that the degree of happiness depends on "relative comparison" - people worry about the difference between the material goods they have and those they want to receive. Also, the feeling of happiness depends on our previous expectations. They may change over time. For example, if we enjoyed last summer's round-the-world cruise, we will want to experience at least the same emotions on our next vacation. On the one hand, if you never feel satisfied, you will endlessly strive for the best. On the other hand, constantly devalue what you already have. This can lead to depression and overconsumption.

Why is life in the family an eternal problem?

Life in the family is all everyday worries, household chores that provide for the needs and requirements of each family member. From these needs, household duties are formed. Of course, before the wedding, lovers do not really think about how their life will be organized. But in vain. Routine destroys a marriage due to the wrong distribution of responsibilities, unspoken grievances.

How to understand that a man wants a family?

He becomes more caring, shows attention, worries about your health and well-being. He spends a lot of time with you. He is ready to give you a space where you can arrange your necessary women's things. He tries to do everything to make your stay in his house comfortable. You are a part of his life, which means there is no need to hide you. He wants to show you to others as his partner.

Why spouses should sleep together.

Sleeping together is very beneficial. Sleeping with your spouse improves health and may even extend the days of life. A happy woman falls asleep faster. If you prefer to sleep together, then the dream will be strong, deep and healthy. This is a hint of intimacy. In bed with your husband, you have a desire to play pranks.

Two essential things to happen to a person to make him older.

Disappointment in fantasies, omnipotence, limitlessness, infinity, absolute choice and the ability to please everyone. Humility and acceptance of the fact that you're not hanging in the air and can't be cooler than everyone else. Accepting the way things are, and the presence of other people in your life. And the sooner that happens, the more accessible simple human happiness is. Not the kind that requires conquering the universe, but the kind that can be made with your hands, and achieved by simple actions. Not comprehensive, but finite, concrete and simple enough.