Where is the exit?

The way out of the Victim's position... Resentments, burdensome memories, anger, resentment - these are obstacles to a happy and joyful sense of life. When you forgive, you step out of the position of Victim, and you have a new vision, energy, and desire to live. It is up to you to forgive or not to forgive. But when you choose to forgive someone, you must understand that you are doing it ONLY FOR YOU. You are forgiving so that YOUR life can be better. You forgive in order to find happiness and joy in your life. You forgive so that your relationships with others can be improved. You forgive in order to become younger, healthier, richer, more beautiful and successful. YOU FORGIVE FOR YOURSELF!

Forgiveness Technique.

That’s actually a practical task for the previous post. Position yourself horizontally, more comfortably. Enter into a state of half-sleep. Thoughts and images flow freely. Imagine the image of the person you want to forgive. ▫️ I forgive you completely. I draw conclusions from the past. ▫️ I thank the Universe (god, universe...) for the lessons I am learning. ▫️ I am on my way to harmony. ▫️ I understand that you had the best of intentions. ▫️ I get why you did what you did. I forgive myself for.... ▫️ Subconsciousness, help me draw conclusions from what happened. Give yourself time. Write down the conclusions. Keep in mind that you have to choose one grievance or situation. Once you've worked through one particular situation, you only move on to the next one after that.

The main thing is to strike a balance.

Balance between intimacy and co-dependence, a fine line. How to understand, to feel this difference? ▫️ The desire to share your emotions - intimacy. Trying to impose your moods is co-dependence. ▫️ Talking openly about what you're not happy with in a relationship - intimacy. Imposing blame on the other for relationship problems is co-dependency. ▫️ Holding your OWN social circle and letting the other have theirs is intimacy. NOT having a relationship outside of a couple is co-dependency. ▫️ Sharing your values and interests with your partner is intimacy. CHANGE your values to your partner or try to change them to match your own - co-dependence. Knowing how to balance such subtle issues can save a relationship.

About Purpose, Dreams and Plans.

What is the difference between a dream and a goal? It's very simple, a goal has a DATE! Work through your dream and give it a clear date. What is the difference between a goal and a plan? A plan is a goal broken down into step-by-step steps. Literally step by step, with dates and clear definitions describe your actions. And finally, only a plan confirmed by methodical actions makes our dream come true!

Parental mistakes. Where do abusers come from.

Up to 6 years: • Educational beatings, humiliation, yelling at him. • Always respond differently. Today to slap a bream, and tomorrow for the same hug and cry with pity. • Or extol the child, buy him first places, diplomas. • Show that mom has 2 modes: you are bad - she yells, beats. And the rest of the time when they don't notice it. He never feels good. It is enough to systematically abuse it in one point and you will get it, sign it. But even with a system in place, there are chances to stay normal.

Parental mistakes. Where do abusers come from.

Up to 3 years: • Prevent him from exploring the world. Do not let go of yourself, take everything away, prohibit. • Or, on the contrary, leave one, disappear from his life. • Never refuse, do not limit anything. He is not disappointed and does not know how to survive breakups. • Tell the child that you will stop loving him if he does not obey. Arrange boycotts, forbid crying, do not console.

If a couple fights, do they have relationship problems?

It would be more accurate to say: if a couple quarrels, this is a relationship. It is impossible to constantly hush up your discontent and live in an atmosphere of love and eternal peace. Every couple has some disagreements, and that's okay. Do not take any quarrel as the end of your relationship and try to find compromises and smooth the situation. Quarrels often develop relationships: you learn to find a common language, resolve domestic and other issues and make concessions to each other.

Why grow up?

Growing up will help you assess the situation with a cool head and find ways to solve it. Without counting on or expecting help from others. Relying on yourself will give support, faith and confidence even in difficult moments. Adulthood will allow you to set priorities and refuse unnecessary things. Inner support will allow you to do it quickly, without long deliberations and feelings of guilt or shame. Adulthood will allow you to delegate some things. And support will help you avoid anxiety and fear that the other can't handle it. Adulthood will assess your condition and signal that it's time to rest. The inner core will allow you to take time for yourself without remorse and fear of "What will they think of me?" Inner core together with adulthood will help transform fears into resources, negative qualities into helping qualities.

How to learn to forgive?

Unnecessary offenses poison the life, first of all, of the one who was offended. And your offender will sleep peacefully, not even bothered by the subject of your torment. So it is easier and better for yourself to forgive and let go. How to do it? MAKE THE DECISION TO FORGIVE. The most important thing about forgiveness is to realize that YOU need it much more than your abuser. LIVE YOUR EMOTIONS. Respect your feelings, don't hide them in yourself, find an opportunity to live them and feel them fully. Even if not immediately, but gradually you will become much easier. REMEMBER HOW YOU WERE FORGIVEN. Remember how you regretted your own mistakes and how important it was for you to receive forgiveness from those you wronged. Choose to be strong. Don't let your resentment poison your own life.

LOVE is a three-part recipe.

Mankind is in a constant search for the FORMULAS of love. There are many variations on this theme. I am sharing another formula, which I like so much for its brevity. The triangular theory of love is a theory of love developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg. In the context of personal relationships, "the three components of love, according to the triangular theory, are intimacy, passion and commitment." 1. Intimacy - which includes feelings of belonging, unity, connectedness. 2. Passion - which includes both romantic attraction and sexual attraction. 3. Commitment - which involves, in the short term, a decision to stay with a partner, and in the long term, joint achievements or plans for the future. And happy is the one with a complete set of these qualities in his/her relationship.

How to behave on a first date?

To be sure the first date is not the last one, it’s important to grasp a few simple rules. ▫️ Stay confident. It's okay to be nervous on a first date. Acting confident, being yourself is the surest way to look natural. ▫️ Dress appropriately. Usually on a first date a man looks at a woman from head to toe, and she tries to impress him. ▫️ Take care when choosing a fragrance. Without knowing your date's preferences, choose unobtrusive light scents for yourself ▫️ Don't be a drag. Don't burden him with your problems and don't complain. ▫ Be easy and have fun conversations about simple everyday topics. ▫️ Take off the rose-colored glasses. Do not embellish the image of a man, do not praise him, do not make long-range plans for him. ▫️ Let him pay for you. Especially if he insists on it, give him the opportunity to make a nice gesture. If the date was interesting for you, don't forget to thank him for an enjoyable time.

Loneliness in childhood leads to alcohol problems in adulthood.

People who felt lonely before the age of 12 are more likely to have problems with alcohol in adulthood. They respond more strongly to stress and usually drink to cope with negative experiences. These conclusions were made by American psychologists in the course of a study involving 310 students aged 18-29 - they filled out questionnaires.

Secret information: what men fall in love with.

Confession. He wants, just like you, to hear praise and compliments addressed to him. Made you feel good? Thank you! Common features. If you are similar to him in some way, emphasize it, people love to find kindred spirits. He knows what you need. “How did you guess that I like peonies?”. Say these phrases every time a man makes an effort to please you. mental connection. The ability to feel each other's emotions from a distance is what really catches men. Let him know that you are on the same wavelength. Common jokes and traditions. We recall what we talked about last time and return to this topic. It is important for a man to understand that you listen carefully to him and remember what he said.

Respect men.

Forget provocative phrases like "You're a man, you should", "Don't be a rag", etc. Men also want to feel loved and proud of them. They also sometimes experience confusion and fatigue. And when a woman looks at them solely as a tool for solving problems, they feel it and prefer to remain single.

How to catch a man on the "hook".

"I couldn't speak." Play with a man and don't pick up the phone for a couple of hours. However, it is imperative to follow the rules of this “game” and, after a long pause, call yourself back so that your partner is not offended that you are ignoring him. In the conversation, voice a good reason why you didn’t pick up the phone (“I didn’t hear the call because I was in the pool”, “I was in training”). The mechanics of this psychological technique is simple. A man who could not get through to you starts to worry about you and, thus, there is an emotional attachment.

Our fears are our traitors.

They keep us from becoming what we could be if we weren't afraid to try. Such fears often torment very worthy and educated people. On the one hand, "Impostor Syndrome" prevents us from admiring ourselves and pushes us to keep working on ourselves. On the other hand... "Impostor syndrome" is the fear of being exposed, of being found out that you are not competent enough, talented enough, worthy of what you aspire to and dream about. Nearly always this syndrome is experienced by people who have absolutely no basis for it. Sort yourself out, look at yourself from the outside, get rid of the barriers that you yourself have built on the way to your goal and start acting.

If you want to be HAPPY, don't wait for a better time!

Do you know the state of waiting for the best day, week, or period of your life? Admit it, you've told yourself something like: "I'll finish my quarantine and go to yoga...", "go to English courses", "take a second university degree". How'd it go? Did you go? Got in? Lots of people are used to putting their lives on pause, hoping that everything will change and the REAL LIFE will begin. But in the meantime, that real life passes by, and "waiting for a better day" becomes a constant, joyless way of living it.

How do you feel about yourself?

"Everyone is unique, and everyone is valuable. Stop comparing yourself, give yourself ratings, and instead love yourself, accept who you are, give yourself the right to be you, and give other people the same right. The most important person in your life - you and only you Recognize your value and your right to the main place in his life, because it's yours, ONLY YOUR LIFE!

Remember that character comes out in times of trouble.

It's easy to win people over when things are going well. But how do you show yourself in a critical situation? Be sure that others will remember how you behaved. Use such moments to show your best side and for yourself as well.

Be decisive.

Make a decision quickly and carefully, declare it loudly and do not look back. In non-standard situations, a prompt, albeit not quite "correct" reaction, often gives better long-term results than long-term thoughtful actions.