Realize your responsibility

What happens in your life depends overwhelmingly you yourself. You must take responsibility for every action you take, and not shift it to others. At the same time, you need to remember about some boundaries and limits. There are circumstances that cannot be influenced, and there are always other people around with their own interests and goals. To be responsible for everything that happens is impossible and even destructive. The most telling example: a child feeling guilty about his parents' divorce. By taking responsibility for our own deeds, we gain a resource for personal growth. By trying to take responsibility for circumstances beyond our control, we hinder the development of others and usually begin to doubt our own abilities. That's why it's so important to strike that balance.

Remember that your comfort zone makes you mentally stronger

The idea of getting out of the comfort zone has long been the butt of jokes. This idea is familiar even to children. It makes sense that a person from a small town would find it strange to hear about stepping out of the comfort zone from a coach living in Manhattan. Yes, uncomfortable life events can bring some progress in your career or personal life, but this kind of thing will only work if you are absolutely used to your current situation and have fenced yourself off from any challenges. In other cases, the comfort zone is the normal state in which you feel mentally safe. If you leave it too often or never come back to it, it is more likely to get mental health problems instead of achieving goals of personal growth.

How to protect yourself from toxic people

▫️ Don't argue Oh yes, toxic people are masters at stirring up arguments and scandals. Don't be fooled, try to control your emotions. If you engage in an argument, your opponent will not shy away from even the dirtiest methods and will eventually come out the winner. In addition, this way you will make nothing in order to get out of a toxic relationship, but rather you will get stuck in it even more. ▫️ Change your tactics If you foresee a difficult conversation with a toxic person, think about what you're going to talk about and how you're going to talk. Take the lead, dominate the situation, ask as many questions as you wish, bring that person back to reality, tell them something that matters to you.

The universe is not against you

Living according to the principles of Wu-Wei, means that we must first recognize our connection to everything in nature. Although we need to have clear limits, we also need to remain open and unafraid of vulnerability, just like children running and playing outside the fence of a park. Then we can contemplate nature, feel the flow of the world's energy, and learn to live in harmony with it. Realizing that the universe is not against us, and that we don't have to confront it, brings a sense of freedom.

The restless mind needs to be quieted

Even if we take no action, our mind often continues fidgeting. According to Wu-Wei, not only the body, but also the mind needs to be quieted. Otherwise we cannot determine whether we are acting following the world's energy flows or just indulging our ego. Lao Tzu said that anyone and everyone should observe and listen to their own inner voice and to the voices of the environment.

Lack of action does not equal idleness

Wu-Wei means in Chinese non-doing or 'doing nothing'. Chinese philosophers considered it a natural way of life as opposed to actively pursuing goals or forcing events. Wu-Wei, however, should not be confused with idleness. It is not an excuse to sit back and criticize others. According to this teaching, one should not waste energy but act only when the time is right.

Be cool

Equanimity is an extremely important quality of leadership. People around you feel calm and subconsciously recognize you as a leader. But how do you learn to take the initiative and look confident? Learn to hide certain gestures. Try not to jerk your head, do not make sudden movements, do not turn improvised objects in your hands. Be status even alone with yourself.

When a person is loved, they will certainly worry about him.

For his life, health, state of mind. It has nothing to do with control, jealousy and possessiveness. “How do you feel?”, “Be careful”, “When you get there, be sure to call.” These simple, at first glance, words are pronounced because they are very worried about someone and are afraid of losing him, but not from their own life, but from life in general. This speaks volumes, because there is someone for whom it is very important that you are alive and well and just walk on this Earth. The absence of anxiety speaks of one thing - he simply does not care about you ...

Jealousy. How to deal with it?

Constant and strong jealousy usually indicates that there is a fairly serious problem either in a relationship or within a person’s personality. At the very least, each of us may well take responsibility for our lives and feelings, deal with them on our own or with the help of a psychologist.

Jealousy. How to deal with it?

In most cases, we do not think about the fact that under jealousy a variety of feelings can be hidden, and jealousy serves only as a cover, a kind of screen. And there are a lot of feelings here, and it’s not immediately clear which one of them follows which one. The list is endless and for each person in his particular story, it will, of course, be individual: anxiety, fear, sadness, anger and many other feelings. It is important, I think, not to ignore the situation when jealousy brings excessive suspicion, humiliation and control over the life and behavior of another person. This is already a signal that it is time to think about the true causes of jealousy.

Jealousy. How to deal with it?

Learn not to be jealous - you can! I don’t have a universal recipe, but the first thing a jealous person should start with is to take a journey into the depths of their personality and raise their own self-esteem. When you feel with every cell of your being that you are accepted as you are and you are attractive to another person, then the need to keep a partner will go away by itself, he will be there. And you just need to be near him.

Jealousy. How to deal with it?

Jealousy, in fact, has little to do with love. Jealous does not mean he loves, but jealous means he is afraid of losing. If he loses, then he will have to endure a terrible feeling of loneliness. The unconscious fear of losing a relationship makes a person cling with all his might to the object of affection and control the other person, his life. And in fact, the jealous person, in this way, devalues, first of all, his life and his ability to take care of himself on his own and do something very important for himself. A jealous person may have a fantasy that the other person willingly does not want to stay in a relationship with him. Therefore, there is a feeling that if he lets go of his partner’s field of vision, then he will never return to him in his life or leave him forever.

Jealousy. How to deal with it?

If it were possible to describe the universal cause of the origin of jealousy, then I would define it as a sense of ownership. A person who is an owner is a person who does not want or is afraid to lose a “beloved” object. If you look deep into the personality of a jealous person, then there is usually a fear of being abandoned. A person begins to strive to keep another close by at any cost and in no case allows him to "leave" himself. There is control over the life of a loved one, control is excessive, sometimes reaching the point of absurdity.

Jealousy. How to deal with it?

The feeling of jealousy, I think is familiar to all of us. Jealousy is one of the most common problems with which couples come to a consultation with a psychologist. At its core, jealousy can be the cause of conflicts and disagreements in the family, and sometimes even divorce. We will talk in detail about jealousy in marital relations in a separate issue of the column: What to do when love “passes away”? Today, let's approach the issue of jealousy a little more broadly. Jealousy is often confused with envy. When there is jealousy for the success of colleagues, friends, spouse or even a child, then there will be a feeling of envy. Envy differs from jealousy in the desire to possess what another person has, including some opportunities and freedom of choice, the freedom to be oneself.

Conscious people

They know how to feel life, not think about it. Conscious people know that the best decisions are made not by the mind but by the heart. The mind is limited. Although it tries to take control of all our life, there are secret tendencies, elusive connections, and much more that it can't manage. The intuition going from the heart is truly sensitive — it is what we need to trust. If you practice these intuitive skills, someday you will notice that you are not just mindlessly going with the flow of events but live every single day of your life with joy and pleasure.

Conscious people

They are able to follow what is happening from the external observer position, not getting involved but staying out of the fray. For example, when the mud from the wheel of a passing car hits you from head to toe, the first reaction is to shout at the offender and tell him or her all you think about it. A conscious person will get out of this situation, and before taking any action, will look at the other side: the offender still would not hear your cry, and even if he or she would, it is unlikely to react. Besides, he or she probably didn't do it on purpose — most likely he or she was just in too much of a hurry, too late, too nervous. They are not focused on the past because they know for sure: what's gone, can't be changed. They're also not obsessed with thinking about the future because they keep in mind the fact that we never know what life has in store for us.

Boosting self-esteem

▫️The first step in overcoming any bad habits is being aware of them. Observe yourself. Instead of engaging in self-condemnation, try to get to know yourself by analyzing the way you behave. ▫️Change your social circle. Take note which people are present in your life and what is the essence of your relationship with them. Perhaps, if you objectively evaluate your environment, you will see that you give people more than you get from them.⠀⠀ ▫️Never forget about your strengths and don't be too hard on yourself. For personal use only, make a list of your inherent strengths and what you do really well. ▫️Keep calm and try to mitigate stress. Avoid the hustle and bustle. Develop stress resistance. You will gain self-confidence if you do the tasks you set yourself.

How self love is shown

A person who loves himself trusts himself and the Universe. He knows that all good things are in abundance, and there is enough for everyone. He believes he deserves the best. A person who loves himself does not take anything away from anyone, does not manipulate, because he lives according to universal laws. He does not become attached to people and does not bind them to himself, because he is filled from the inside. And people are attracted to him, because he radiates warmth, kindness, love. A person who loves himself values his own and other people's time, knows how to refuse, if necessary, without guilt, without offending people. He focuses on his own strengths and notes the virtues of others. A person who loves himself is balanced and harmonious, knows how to protect personal boundaries and honors others with respect. Each of us, at different moments in our lives, moves from a state of selfishness to a state of self-love. And the more often we show love to ourselves, the less often there is a need to act selfishly.

Constructive Communication

How to start a conversation with your husband? Decide on the purpose of the conversation and make a rough plan. Often partners begin to sort things out, slipping into mutual reproaches, remembering all the grievances. Such quarrels will lead nowhere. Think in advance - what do you want from the conversation, what result? Make a plan: "I want to... because...". Stick to it during the dialogue.

Rules for maintaining romance in a relationship

Caring and empathy. Try to bring small signs of attention and care for your partner into everyday life. Time for communication. Share your feelings and thoughts with each other. Privacy for two. Go out of town or take weekend tickets to another country and walk together, enjoy socializing and carelessness. The trust. Loosen control. Sexuality. Romance in a relationship is related to the quality of the sexual life of partners. If there is no attraction, there is no romance. Distance. Everyone should have something personal in life. Friends, hobbies, or time to reset - be alone and miss being with your partner.