Start living for yourself

Enough to go crazy over others. Stop torturing yourself with jealousy, doubts, expectations. Stop looking for hints of love in his behavior. A man who is unable to inspire confidence in him is not worthy of so much attention. And you don't have to fight. There is nothing to fight for: if you need it, it will be there, if you don’t need it, it will leave anyway. Fight for yourself and your peace of mind. You are the main person in your life, because without you there will be no relationship, no love, no future. Maybe, of course, the whole world didn’t converge on you like a wedge, but your world just revolves around you. At least that's how it should be. Don't exhaust yourself!

A happy woman is always a little "not".

Not all made up, not up to the ideal laid, not dressed to the nines. But he can rub his eyes, boldly throw back his hair with his palms and not dream all evening about throwing off his uncomfortable dress. She does not post a tense photo with her foot on the toe, pouting lips, a deliberate smile, she does not notice at all that she is photographing her and laughing at the top of her lungs. Even if she has crooked teeth. She is not afraid to look ridiculous. She does not say that everyone takes her daughter for a friend or sister, because this is true and does not require confirmation, she does not paint her nails with elaborate patterns, she does not lie under a lamp and needles for three hours so that in the morning her husband thinks that she is always beautiful . Doesn't show her oatmeal porridge to the public because porridge is just food and she eats it. Does not show his abs, even if he has one. He does not idealize children - they are ordinary people, and often bastards, only small ones. She doesn’t throw popular prints every day with her husband in an embrace, she sleeps with him without cameras, but with an orgasm. She just lives. Although a little "not".

Personal development and productivity:

Every morning: ▫️ a glass of cool water; ▫️ a quick workout; ▫️ taking care of your hair; ▫️ facial care; ▫️ body care; ▫️ delicious and healthy breakfast; ▫️ planning; ▫️ meditation; ▫️ 10 new words in other language; ▫️ half-hour hobby. Every day: ▫️ 1 foreign language class; ▫️ reading; ▫️ evening facial and body care; ▫️ go to bed before 11:00 p.m. Every week: ▫️ go to 3 workouts; ▫️ watch 1 movie; ▫️ listen to 1 lecture/podcast; ▫️ visit a new place; ▫️ housecleaning; ▫️ weekly review; ▫️ keeping your eyes on the goal.

Learn how to present yourself

Being able to behave in society and attract attention is NOT an innate ability, it must be learned. It's oddly enough, you shall start with improving your posture. Look in the mirror: how do you walk? ▫️ Keep your shoulders back. ▫️The body should be totally relaxed. ▫️Keep your back straight, and eyes on the prize. ▫️Chin slightly up. ▫️Train to walk with confidence.

Someone else

While you are sleeping until lunchtime, "someone else" wakes up early and has plenty of time to make her/himself better. While you're eating sugary muffins and junk burgers, "someone else" is eating healthy and will definitely have a perfect body in a year. While you're making excuses, "someone else" makes everything to achieve her/his goal. Do you want your dream to come true?

How to deal with those who ruin your life.

7. Remember yourself. If you have to live or work side by side with such a person, you must develop the skills of detachment. Be sure to find time to be alone with yourself, your thoughts, plans, feelings. Don't focus on the other person's life. Don't make a commitment to change anyone. A person will not change until he wants it for himself. 8. Think about why toxic people are around you. Perhaps they are a reflection of some of your internal problems. You solve their problems instead of getting on with your life. Whether you do something or not, time goes by anyway. So spend it on building your unique path!

How to deal with those who ruin your life.

6. Empathy. You can allow yourself to have empathy for toxic people. It must come from the fact that the circumstances of their lives could make them so. But sympathy does not mean connivance. You are not to blame for the other person's problems. Therefore, do not let him spoil your mood and well-being. You can’t allow someone to do whatever they want just because, for example, he had a difficult childhood. You can try to gently help a person, but only if he asks you about it himself and is sincerely ready to change.

How to deal with those who ruin your life.

4. Take responsibility for your integrity. Be brave enough to be able to stand up for yourself. Not always toxic people manipulate and hurt consciously. In any case, your protest will most likely come as a surprise to them. If you notice similar behavior in society, among strangers, do not be silent either. 5. Do not look for the reason in yourself. More often than not, you are not to blame for what the toxic person does. His words and actions are a scenario that is not dedicated to you. You are just a suitable object for its implementation. You don’t have to think that you have some kind of problem, since he wants to scandal and sort things out.

How to deal with those who ruin your life.

2. Don't be comfortable. Patiently enduring all the whims of a toxic person is the path to a disordered psyche. Learn to say no, stop violating your boundaries, calmly defend your interests. It’s enough to pretend to be happy when a wave of indignation overwhelms you. If the energy vampire sees that you know how to fight back, he may think about his behavior. It is unlikely that it will change overnight, but the seed of change will be sown. 3. Be direct. Hints will not help here, you will have to say directly about what does not suit you. Be prepared that the person will take your reaction painfully. It is often very difficult for such people to accept any criticism addressed to them.

How to deal with those who ruin your life.

To begin with, it is necessary to realize that a particular person prevents you from being in a good mood, rejoicing, setting goals and achieving them. Next, set the blocking of such an attitude towards you. Let's look at a few ways to protect yourself and your life from the destructive influence of toxic people. 1. Silent mode. The simplest and wisest solution is to stop communicating with a toxic person. If this is your close relative, it is impossible to avoid him - then try to keep communication to a minimum. Do not talk about your personal life, do not share secrets, maintain neutrality and detachment. You will notice that your life will gradually change for the better. Less energy will flow away in vain.

Don't be afraid

It usually seems that a person is afraid of something bad: judgment, failure, shame. And it is very surprising to discover the fear of "what if I succeed" in yourself. Fear of success, of big money, of rank, of fame... As long as a person is afraid of all this and does not recognize this process in herself/himself, she/he will never move onto better things. Neither in income growth, nor in in any activity, love, relationships...

Let me tell you a secret

You will never be perfect. You will never be the most successful, the most beautiful, and certainly you will never be the youngest. You will never make all the money in the world, you will never be the "best version of yourself," at least not in terms of eternity. You can pursue the endless chase of self-improvement. But if the goal of these efforts is to have a dumb audience give you grades, then, alas, those grades have long been embedded in your brain, so other people's opinions don't matter at all.

Alone with myself

Make sure you feel comfortable with yourself, your thoughts and feelings, in your own home. And only after that, you can do something for this world as well. As long as you skip this first step, any good intentions and steps you take in the outside world will reflect your inner chaos and disorder.

Illusion of understanding. What are the reasons for people's misunderstanding?

There are the following ways in which we make sense of our experience and all information. Knowing them helps us understand how we communicate with each other and with the world. 1. Crossing out information. When crossing out, we "omit" some of the information. Such a filter is important, especially now, when the information flow is huge. We learn only what at the moment seems useful and necessary to us, and we do not pay attention to all the "superfluous". 2. Generalization or generalization. Quite often, we use larger categories that include multiple subcategories. In different contexts, we can disaggregate and generalize information. In life, we do this all the time when we give things or events a more general meaning. 3. Distortion. Examples of distortion are our "yellow press", various gossip and gossip. Remember the children's game "Broken Phone". The essence is the same. We are constantly in the "illusion of understanding" of each other. We pass words through our own perceptual filter, we get information that corresponds to our experience, and we try to give it meaning.

Illusion of understanding. What are the reasons for people's misunderstanding?

Human thinking is already arranged in such a way that we process information in a special way. We can omit some details, or distort what we heard, and sometimes generalize something. In some situations, this is useful, but quite often the “missing links” do not give us the full picture, and make us draw the wrong conclusions. It is precisely because of this that the causes of misunderstanding often arise.

Illusion of understanding. What are the reasons for people's misunderstanding?

For example, you come to a furniture store. A manager comes up to you and asks: - What interests you? "I'm looking for a kitchen" - you say. The "green" seller will first clarify the price range and your style preferences. Experienced will not begin with the price. First he knows: What is the kitchen in your understanding? What is the main thing for you? What can you not imagine a kitchen without? Which table in your concept is comfortable or original? And so on. How many buyers there will be, the same number of completely different answers. Often, the opportunity to gather with the whole family in a comfortable environment is much more important than the price.

Illusion of understanding. What are the reasons for people's misunderstanding?

We do not just communicate with each other and say something. The main thing is the meaning that we put into them. With our words and non-verbal manifestations, we all the time encourage a person to take some step: approval, reflection, response, action or inaction, and so on. But it happens that we do not get what we want, because the other one puts into our words the meaning that is closer to his perception of reality. Hence the reasons for the misunderstanding of people. And, conversely, the closer a person perceives this meaning, the more effective communication. Good communicators understand this, and prefer to speak in a "language of meaning". Because in reality we can want one thing, but say something completely different.

Illusion of understanding. What are the reasons for people's misunderstanding?

This is a simple example. And try to describe the words "freedom", "love", "happiness". These concepts are much broader and deeper, and there will be much more differences. We bring our own meaning to each word and hope that another person, coming from his reality, will understand it the way we understand it. But this is not possible. The reasons for misunderstanding each other lie in the fact that everyone has their own individual way of processing information. And if for your child a good walk is a game of “war” with friends, an automatic machine, a fence, bushes, shooting, loud screams, wallowing on the ground. Then, in your understanding, a good walk can be completely different, and not at all anxiety, broken knees, soiled clothes and extra laundry. Although for someone the happy eyes of their child are more important than such trifles.

Illusion of understanding. What are the reasons for people's misunderstanding?

We communicate through words. But everyone puts their own meaning into the word, and as a result builds their own picture of the world. Take the word "dog". And ask 10 people to say what this word means in their understanding. It is possible that you will find a lot in common in these descriptions, but there will be many differences. Everyone will have their own image in their head. For one, it will be a ferocious bull terrier, for another, an affectionate chihuahua in a collar with rhinestones.

That's it, I'm not doing it anymore ⠀

Yes, there are times when a person says this. He or she starts something and then suddenly gives up. For example, started learning a foreign language but quit. Wanted to go swimming, but didn't go further than one training. There are a lot of examples... Just like Sisyphus could not roll a stone up a hill, people stumble on the spot, being offended by the impossible task, circumstances and people around them, and then get disappointed in theirselves. The situation when a person doesn't get things done is one of the most common negative scenarios. It is called "Sisyphus" in psychology.