How to rewrite a destructive life script.

The solution to problems in personal life lies within ourselves. But it is not so easy to reconcile what we want and are aware of with what we are not aware of and governs us. After all, building relationships with others, we somehow rely on the experience of parents and older generations. And it's not always positive. How to get out of such a scenario? Advice from a psychotherapist.

To keep or return a person, you need to let him go.

It is important not to succumb to provocations, but to continue to stand your ground. On its self-worth and its principles. You need to learn to continue to love and at the same time be true to yourself, hold on to your inner support. You need to become confident, strong, independent and whole. It is to become, not to seem. Do not play the role of a self-sufficient person in order to change your partner. Namely, to be. To be in this life who we really are, whole and self-sufficient. And give your love and build relationships from a position of sufficiency, not need.

To keep or return a person, you need to let him go.

A crisis in a relationship cannot be avoided, because when one changes, becoming independent and confident, the other begins to experience discomfort. The habitual and understandable form of interaction for him collapses, which invariably leads to a feeling of anxiety and danger. The partner may panic and protest against this, provoking conflicts and quarrels. He will undermine your self-confidence, rejecting and not approving any undertakings and projects, he will criticize, condemn, ignore and devalue. In the end, he can find himself an alternate airfield and accuse you of leaving because of your indifference. The main thing is not to believe in it. He leaves not because of you, but because of himself, because of the internal conflict that has appeared. What was projected on you, now turned out to be in it. But instead of dealing with himself, recognizing, realizing the shadow sides in himself, he runs from the problem to another partner who will save him from internal growth, development and pain.

To keep or return a person, you need to let him go.

Let him switch places with you. When he sees that no one else runs after him and returns, does not achieve and does not prove, he will be left alone with himself. And with all their false ideas about their value. If there is no one who confirms his self-confidence and his value, then the illusion of the support on which the image of himself was built begins to crumble.

To keep or return a person, you need to let him go.

The other one thinks something like this: “If I prove to him that it’s better for him not to find me, then I will finally receive from him the kind of love that I deserve.” So, addressing those who seek love or want to return a partner, I recommend letting him go. Stop hanging on it and catch up. Let him calm down and stop being afraid that someone wants to deprive him of his freedom and the future he deserves (or she, no matter).

To keep or return a person, you need to let him go.

In fact, in these respects, both are dependent and therefore equal. Because everyone in them finds confirmation of his idea of himself in the eyes of the other, in his actions, words, readiness to do something for the sake of a partner. The one whose love is being sought thinks something like this: “Since you want to be with me so much, you want my love, it means that I am a very valuable person and I should be with me more confident than you partner. But since there is no one yet, and suddenly there will never be, then I will let you love me. This, of course, is all very simplified, but it does not change the essence.

To keep or return a person, you need to let him go.

They say: "In a relationship, one loves, and the other allows himself to be loved." It is believed that the partner who is more cold, balanced, calm is in a more advantageous position. He does not need to prove his "necessity", seek love and constantly prove something. But is it? The one who controls the relationship in a couple is the one who feels the least need for them, wants intimacy or needs emotional support. The one who is less dependent on it feels confident and strong. However, this is not always a reflection of the true integrity of the partner, his self-worth and self-confidence. More often this self-image is formed and maintained only thanks to the “weak” dependent partner.

If happiness is not today, then when?

We convince ourselves that life will be better after marriage, after the birth of a child, then again and again. Then it turns out that the children are not old enough, and we will be happy when they grow up. Then it turns out that we have to cope with their transitional age. And, of course, we will be happy when they grow up. We tell ourselves that we will be happy when we have a better car, when we can go on vacation, when we retire. But, the truth is that there is no better time for happiness than today. If not today, then when? Perhaps your life will always be filled with obstacles. The best thing to do is to accept it unconditionally and be happy no matter what!

If happiness is not today, then when?

Do not rush through life at such a speed that you forget not only where you have been, but where you are going. Remember that the greatest human need is the need to feel important. Constantly learn. Knowledge is weightless, it is wealth that is easy to carry. Don't use time and words recklessly. Neither of these can be returned. Life is not a race, but a journey that is pleasant with every step. Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, and Today is a gift...

If happiness is not today, then when?

Don't let your life slip like sand through your fingers, living in the past or for the future. By living for today, you will live all the days of your life. Don't give up while there is still something you can do. Nothing is over until you stop trying again. Don't be afraid to admit that you are imperfect. This is the thin thread that binds us. Don't be afraid to take risks. It is by taking risks that we learn to be brave. Don't throw love out of your life thinking it can't be found. The best way to get love is to give it, the best way to lose love is to hold it too tight, and the best way to keep love is to give it wings!

If happiness is not today, then when?

Imagine that your life is a game in which you juggle five balls in the air. These balls are work, family, health, friends and soul - and all this should not fall. You will soon realize that work is a rubber ball. When you drop it, it will bounce back and return to you. But the other four balls - family, health, friends and soul - are made of glass. If you drop one of them, it will certainly be damaged, scratched, chipped or broken. And restoring it to its original form will not be easy. You need to understand this and strive for balance in life. How? Never compare yourself to others. After all, each of us is unique precisely because we are all different. Do not set yourself goals that are important from the point of view of other people. Only you know what is best for you. Don't take for granted things that are dear to your heart. Keep them as if they are your life, because without them life has no meaning.

Four day work week.

In Britain, summed up the interim results of a pilot program to transfer production to a 4-day working day. At the end of half of the experiment, 46% of employers said they did not notice a change in productivity compared to the five-day period. 34% reported a slight increase in productivity. And 15% - about the huge. Literally no one complains about a four-day week - all employers agree that three days off motivate employees to give all the best.

Women who have experienced domestic violence are three times more likely to attempt suicide.

A new study has found that women who suffer from domestic violence are three times more likely than their peers to attempt suicide. Those who have been sexually abused in a relationship have even higher risks. However, they note that three-quarters of all suicides occur among men, and this has led to the fact that the possible connection between domestic violence and suicide is overlooked.

What not to do for a man.

3. Build a foolish girl out of yourself, so as not to offend a man with your mind. Remember, if you want relationships to develop, can you play this role for the rest of your life? So be yourself. If a man is not interested in your mind, then why do you need such a man?

What not to do for a man.

2. Put a man on a pedestal and make him God. Creating a cult of personality does not lead to anything good. First you raise it up, then you will lower it in order to get out of total submission and save not only self-esteem, but also in some cases personality.

What not to do for a man.

1. Adopt your man and treat him like a clueless object unable to take care of himself. If you behave with a man like a mother, then you automatically continue to form helplessness in him. Do not be surprised that you "drag" the whole life, the upbringing of children on yourself.

True sincere love does not depend on anyone but yourself and your desire to live it.

The one you love will never be perfect, holy and perfect. But it will be YOURS. With scars from the past on the soul. Loaded with mistakes and delusions. With the lessons of the past learned and the challenges of the future ahead. With broken knuckles from despair. With hints of sadness in their eyes. And with sparks of enthusiasm in your eyes from the touch of your fingers on your unshaven cheek. With strong hands and a vulnerable soul. With a whisper of tenderness on lips parched with passion. With a cry of disappointment in moments when you do not hear each other. With a quiet and goosebumps all over my body, “I love” in the silence of the night, when the world belongs only to the two of you and fits in the space between your entwined fingers. When there is such a person next to you - forget about everything!

Whole natures.

I really like solid natures, who know exactly what they want from this life, do not scatter into casual connections, earnings, acquaintances. I like people who are true - to their cause, their dream, their word, their person ... I will never understand individuals who are always hesitant, who are always in search, but not even active. When a person does not know what and whom he wants, and tries to sit on two or even three chairs at once, this indicates the weakness of his nature ... I like spiritually strong people who are able to break walls with their foreheads for the sake of their dreams ...

Today is the most important day of your life

We all forget to appreciate today. We try to kill time in anticipation of a more exciting streak in life. How not to forget about its importance when today is unremarkable. We woke up and it was already there. But "today" should be the most cherished word. After all, there will never be a more important day in your life than the one you are living right now. Yes, it seems less significant than graduation, wedding or vacation. But it is not. The decisions you make today have the best chance of changing your life.

Support of loved ones

Become a reliable support for them at the right minute, help them find a way out of a crisis. After all, support at the right time allows one to gain needed strength and move forward without getting stuck in the crisis and not falling into trauma. ▫️At the same time, it is very important not to devalue or belittle the feelings of the person who is in front of you. ▫Do not start a dialogue with words like - "nothing terrible has happened, everything will be fine, but as for me / others ...", etc. SAY THINGS LIKE: - Let me come and be with you. - I'm sorry about what happened. I'm here to help. - It must be very hard what you are going through. - I understand how difficult it is for you right now. - I will always hear you out. - I'm here, and you can count on my support. - I understand that you are worried. The situation is really difficult. And I am very sorry that this happened.