Aggression

By nature, aggression is an emotion that comes with the release of a large dose of norepinephrine. The reason for this is the reaction to a certain event. Norepinephrine (a “fight or flight" type of hormone) is necessary for repulsing an attack. It activates the mental, muscular and other systems of the body to achieve the required goal - victory. Adrenaline (also “fight or flight") - synthesized from norepinephrine, is necessary to run as fast possible when chances for success (surviving) are unequal or very little. Aggression is normal, it means you are alive and capable of feeling emotions and actions. But it is important to understand that it can be: ▫️Rational - aimed at solving the problem at hand, protecting, developing, achieving results. ◽️Irrational — suppressed, directed inward, to the destruction of oneself and, as a consequence, destruction of others. While the first option allows you to achieve goals, the second one, on the contrary, blocks it. It’s very important not to confuse them.

Childhood trauma.

You have come to understand your problem is in fact a deeply rooted childhood trauma. What now? Find a solution to this problem. Any childhood trauma is a lack of skills of some sorts. Acquire skills to become independent of this trauma and solve it. For example, if you have been bullied, learn to protect yourself. If you didn't have enough personal space in your childhood, create some. If you didn’t have friends, learn to make friends. If you have lived in worries and fears, learn how to create a secure space and take care of yourself. If no one needed you, then find the value you need yourself.

Codependency

Codependency is considered a state of emotionally unbreakable, excessive preoccupation, socially or physically characterized by dependency on a an alcoholic or a drug user. Just like drug abuse and alcoholism, codependency needs to be acknowledged by the codependent person and only then can it be treated. To put it simply, a codependent person is somebody who allows the tendencies of the addicted family member to influence them. Codependent people are also people who are obsessed over the fact their family member’s life is under their control. This is a very serious condition, the patients need to work hard on their codependency.

Lingering hurts and losses

Lingering resentments and losses come from behind by generating blockages and emotional labyrinths that make us feeling stuck. Who is going to sort them out and work through them? Only us. No one else. What happens if we don't deal with the emotional blockages coming from the past? I think it's already clear to everyone that the past prevents us from living here and now, getting in the way of further development and self-actualization. Erase the board and write a new text. Although we can remember everything, nothing bothers us anymore. It becomes at least not so painful. To understand is to forgive.

I'm a workaholic!

Your tone of voice when saying this plays the key role. After all, for many of us it is even a matter of pride. In modern society, being a workaholic is not as bad as being an alcoholic or a drug addict. Despite this, workaholism is a form of deviant behavior - it is an addiction. Workaholism is a socially acceptable way of escaping personal life. In all respects. It is a perfect way to run away from the family, relationships, friends, and from a state of just "doing nothing."

Addiction - where does it come from and why?

Addiction exists as long as there is a need for it. It, like any other mental process, has a goal - to meet a particular need. The desire to escape from reality into a safe place can be fulfilled by alcohol, drugs or virtual reality. Thus a person can feel secured in his or her addiction. The addicted person finds joy, pleasure, adventure, relaxation or whatever in alcohol and drugs. That's why he or she is always seeking gatherings, feasts, just being in a company. Sometimes an addiction can give a sense of freedom. This occurs when some kind of a protest (against parents, for example) takes place. "I can do whatever I want", "I am not a child and I decide myself" - the typical attitude of a protesting child.

Relationship addiction

Emotional addiction can be very difficult to recognize, since its presence is often confused with strong feelings of love. Let's figure out where it's all coming from. Mass culture strenuously imposes on us the illusive image of those who loved each other and died on the same day or suffered in the name of true love, thereby presenting psychological deviation as a standard. To love and to suffer have the similar meaning in the minds of many of us. This kind of setting has been in our heads since early childhood and makes itself felt even at a very conscious age. After all, age sometimes comes without awareness and self-sufficiency.

CHARISMA — how to get it?

Do you think charisma goes to those who cry the loudest in the maternity ward? Definitely not, natural skills and external circumstances play into the hands of charisma. But generally, CHARISMA is something that can be nurtured. What way? Here are a few simple tips for you. ▫️ Be more sociable and smile more when leaving the house, psych yourself up for for a nice conversation. Remember your neighbors' and colleagues' names, as well as everyone's you cross paths with. Hearing one's own name is extremely satisfying for everyone. ▫️ Use the mirror technique - treat people the way you would like them to treat you. ▫️ Believe in yourself. Because if you don't believe in your awesomeness. how can those around you believe in it? ▫️ Have a proactive approach to life. Love everything you do!

Do you know how to listen?

It would seem, where's the challenge? But in fact most of us not only have no idea how to listen and hear, but we constantly interrupt the other person in order to attract attention to ourselves. Sometimes people just need to be listened to without any interference. The ability to listen carefully shows that you pay attention and respect the other person, and this behavior shows that you are at least well mannered and tactful. It is important to keep in mind that hearing and listening are still different things. HEARING is the passive intake of sound, while LISTENING is the act of intentionally working to comprehend the sounds, to analyze the received information and to give a response to his/her words.

I haven’t got the time

Admit it, how often do you say this? The truth is, many important things take very little time. What can you do in five minutes? See for yourself: ▫️Read several pages. ▫Squat 50-100. ▫️Dedicate some attention to your dog. ▫Clean your living space. ▫️Take vitamins. ▫Have a facial massage. ▫️Meditate in silence. ▫️Turn on some music and dance. ▫️Serve a beautiful dinner/breakfast/lunch. ▫️Make a to-do list. ▫Do some exercises/stretching.

The secret to successfull freelance

Human resources is key. While we are still in the real world, freelance is included. Thus, success is dependent on employees too. So, how do you become a demanding asset on the market? What’s your criteria? Take lead. Don’t be afraid to show yourself. Look for reasons, instead. The ability to make independent decisions. Employees who always steal the customer are very annoying. The ability to work in a team. This reflects communication skills, willingness to help colleagues, the ability to work for the benefit of a common goal. Greed for new knowledge. Online reality is changing very quickly. You constantly have to work on your professional competence.

Personal boundaries.

Everything is very simple: if communication is pleasant, doesn’t cause discomfort, then personal boundaries are very low-key. But when you feel: "STOP. I don't like it." — that's where your personal boundaries begin. Of course, everyone has their own understanding of them. If you draw an analogy with your own household, somebody always has an emotionally «tall bulletproof fence», while others don’t have a fence at all, their door is wide open — everybody is welcome. The absence of personal boundaries comes from childhood, if the parents violated their child all the time, making it clear that it is something normal. When the boundaries are too strict (the adult behaves too aggressively and perceives any behavior as a violation of boundaries - this also intertwines with PTSD, however, protection here worked, unlike the first scenario. In the first scenario, fear prevails over anger. In the second, anger over fear. As you understand, both need to be balanced.

Psychologists have found out which women choose risky guys.

Australian psychologists interviewed more than 1.3 thousand women from 47 countries about their sexual preferences, region of residence, income and other life circumstances and found out what kind of men they like. It turned out that risky guys are more attracted to women for short-term novels than for serious relationships. For a life together, they usually choose a reliable partner. At the same time, bisexual women and so-called "adrenaline addicts" prefer risky men for both short-term and long-term relationships.

How to rewrite a destructive script

There is no universal answer to the question of how to rewrite the script, since all people are different and the age of each according to the passport can be very different from the psychosexual one. For example, when a man suddenly begins to experience platonic love at the age of 40, this causes discord in the family. This happens because at one time he did not go through this stage for one reason or another, and at the moment he is living the evolution of understanding and feeling love within himself. The solution to any problem begins with its awareness. An analysis of one's own and parental experience helps to discover and formulate it. Only by “unpacking” the traumas that manipulate a person, you can open the source of unconditional love for yourself and your life. And when a person is satisfied with himself, his work and the world around him, he finds people close in spirit and views with whom he can build harmonious and mature relationships.

How teenage love scenarios are repeated in personal life.

This period is characterized by gender segregation, when boys begin to communicate more with boys, and girls with girls, and also discuss each other, overcoming childhood shyness and reaching a new level of interaction. Teenage platonic love, as a rule, is incredibly bright and stormy. So much so that disappointment in the object of love and the collapse of fantasies is perceived in the moment as the end of life and is remembered until old age. If a person in adulthood follows this scenario, then problems in their personal lives can cause depression and even cause suicide.

How teenage love scenarios are repeated in personal life.

At the age of puberty, from about 11 to 15 years old, we are washed over by a wave of platonic love. A person is aware of his gender and is already striving to build relationships with an object of the opposite sex. The object of love becomes ideal for another person, literally magical, its properties and qualities are hypertrophied for the better. In this case, the object itself may not know anything about it. For example, girls begin to keep diaries, where they write down their thoughts and fantasies about boys, favorite actors, musicians and singers.

How children's scenarios of love are repeated in adulthood.

Adults, growing up, often continue to follow the usual scenario of behavior. If the other half does not behave the way a person wants, or unpleasant circumstances arise, he begins to cry, be indignant and offended. At my receptions, I often observe the behavior of 3-5-year-old children from adults. Many people live in this range of feelings and emotions. The love that they experience is usually bright, rich and contains a codependency component, since the presence or absence of an object of love directly affects a person’s sense of self.

How children's scenarios of love are repeated in adulthood.

The first manifestations of feelings arise when a child likes a kindergarten or a teacher, he adores his dog, grandmother or toy. Such love is unconditional, all-consuming and has no inter-gender component. When the happy scenario is violated, and the child's favorite thing is taken away or put to bed, and he wants to play more, then there is a reaction of discontent in the form of tears.

How parental scenarios are repeated in our lives.

However, the girl takes away from the family a load of unresolved problems and internal conflicts, which she realizes already in her own family. Unconsciously, she creates situations in which her husband begins to suppress and even humiliate her. This is because her psyche is accustomed to such a scenario for building relationships and does not know how to do it differently. It often happens that by the age of 30-35, a girl suddenly realizes that she is behaving like a mother and even repeats her fate. Although more than anything in the world I wanted to be different from her. Patients often come with such a problem and ask for help to build a strategy for a different, happy life. Then we start working with an attitude towards ourselves, so that the girl feels confident, harmonious and self-sufficient. And relying on yourself is already becoming a starting point for changes in your personal life.

How parental scenarios are repeated in our lives.

The child only forms self-esteem, therefore, in childhood, he is guided by the opinions of authoritative adults. First of all, parents. And if from an early age a girl is told that she is ugly, ordinary, worse than others, then growing up, she will feel inferior as a woman. The search for approval and recognition may not lead her into the most comfortable relationships. But the grown girl seizes every opportunity to escape from the toxic family environment, so she marries early, perhaps the wrong person. It seems to her that the situation has changed dramatically and her life will now definitely get better, and at the same time self-esteem will increase.