Between love and neurosis. Continuation.

In most relationships there are elements of a neurotic need for love, a matter of quantity. There are doses that you can live with and build relationships with. And there are doses with which it is difficult to build relationships, because mutual destruction of each other occurs. But if a person has been accustomed for many years to consider self-destruction in a relationship as love, then of course it is difficult to give up the idea of great love. Moreover, we often hear that it is wonderful to love, that only for the sake of love is life worth living. But in reality, few people take it upon themselves to give a definition of love. And if it gives a definition, then no one gives a strategy for how to define it and save it. Therefore, codependent or neurotic relationships are usually called love and endure them, because this is supposedly a great feeling. Moreover, the worse a person suffers in a relationship, the more elevated love is considered!

Between love and neurosis. Continuation.

Relationships are not always immediately, at the very beginning, neurotic. For many people, they start as quite healthy, and over time they slide into addictions. Rolling into neurosis occurs in those who have a tendency to dependency in nature. This can also happen when a person is not sure that he is worthy of the love of this particular partner. Or, for example, there is a risk of losing a partner, then the addiction “turns on”. In general, there are many scenarios. But the most important thing is that a person in a state of neurosis cannot get enough of the attention, care, respect and love of a partner. It is always not enough for him or for a short period of time is enough, and then again he is in a state of “hunger” for love.

Between love and neurosis. Continuation.

To distinguish love from addiction, I always rely on this factor: if you are in an unhealthy relationship, you have the feeling that you are spending a lot, but getting little in return. Such relationships are chronically draining. If we are talking about healthy relationships, then they can have exhausting moments, conflicts, situations. But as a result, partners have the feeling that they receive more than they spend on maintaining and developing relationships. Simply put, if in a relationship you feel exhausted, then you have a neurosis. If filled, then you have love.

Between love and neurosis. Continuation.

Indeed, love is often confused with neurosis (emotional addiction). In mass culture, love is sung - suffering, drama. And the more pain in love, the stronger it is considered. And almost sacred! Remember how many songs and poems have been written on the theme of unhappy love, and how many films and novels. How many sayings and sayings exist about love: and that it will suddenly appear, and that it is a cross that must be carried, and that you can truly love only once, and so on. But in fact, it is not about love at all, but about neurosis. O disease!

Between love and neurosis.

From a recent work with a client who is in a dependent relationship. She described for a long time all the nasty things that happen in her family, and in the end she justified what was happening: “well, I love him and what can I do ...”. Since the concept of “love” is quite complex and ambiguous, many labels are hung on it, I suggested that she try to refuse it. And then a sacramental phrase sounded: then, if I endure all this, then what is the matter with me? And why am I doing this? I do it myself...

The neural network drove a man to suicide.

For two months, the Belgian communicated with the bot Elisa. Later, he began to mention personal problems and talk about death. Eliza did not console the interlocutor in any way, but only added fuel to the fire. The Belgian arbitrarily committed suicide after the bot's phrase that "we will live forever in heaven as a whole."

Holidays in the tropics improve mental health.

Holidays in the tropics improve the psychological well-being of people regardless of their gender and age. During the rest, any troubles are easier to endure: financial, mental or physical problems. These conclusions were reached by Finnish scientists during the study.

How to come up with new ideas.

Many people think that this is some kind of talent or phenomenon, but that’s actually not true. Here we will tell you about the ways that will help your brain come up with cool new ideas: Welcome silly ideas. The reason for fear and creative block is that you expect brilliant ideas right away. It doesn't happen that way. Always fight for quantity, form and link associations. Write down your idea immediately. As soon as you have an idea, immediately write it down in a diary, record it on a dictaphone or save it in your notes. Be grateful for the ideas. If you get a new idea, thank yourself for it. It seems silly, but it works.

New Zealand will pay for psychologists to make it easier for teenagers to survive breakups.

The campaign is held under the slogan "own your feelings." It includes a dedicated hotline for young people between the ages of 12 and 24 who are going through a breakup. Aiding organizations will receive $4 million to support and expand existing projects. Officials hope this will have a positive impact on how young people approach future relationships.

Being grateful

Lie down in a comfortable position, close your eyes, try to relax your whole body. Now, concentrate on your breathing. When you feel completely relaxed, imagine that you are at a river bank. This is a magical River Of Gratitude. Look at the river for a while, look how it flows. Ideally, the river should be white with sequins. And now you can thank all those whom you appreciate in life. Turn on your imagination. Thank everyone you would like to thank for what has happened, is happening or will happen in your life. And don't forget to thank the River and yourself for this meditation.

Men don't understand women's forgiveness.

They think if a woman has forgiven, then everything is fine. You can continue to live as you lived. And they are sincerely surprised and furious when they realize that there will no longer be that attitude towards him. She will no longer allow what she allowed before. She will not turn her back on the edge of his knife a second time. Because the risk that he will drive him in again is immeasurably great. And she knows it. Forgave - does not mean forgotten and believed! This means that I hope that this will not happen again. And the possibility of repetition will be excluded by herself. I stayed with you, but I remember everything. This means that now what was previously allowed and considered normal is no longer acceptable.

Moments of madness pass.

But if you have found a kindred soul in a person, you have found something that catches, excites the blood, ignites excitement from a word, phrase and even his smirk, if a person is able to cause an explosion of emotions, a wave of tenderness, sometimes a desire to kill, and a desire to wrap himself in his hands and silence, drowning in his eyes, drinking his voice, and gratefully kissing his hands, even after the crazy peaks of adrenaline, there will be a steady aftertaste and a desire to still, be, touch, feel, acquire, dissolve and forget about everything in the world ... Madness passes, the kinship of souls - forever ...

Self-care

Right now, give a clear definition of self-care in all areas of human activity: biological, psychological, social and spiritual. 1. The biological area includes everything that is related to our body: ▪️Sleeping, eating, walking. ▪️Physical activity, relaxation. ▪️Stop consuming surfactants, alcohol, cigarettes, etc. 2. The psychological area concerns our feelings: ▪️Stress management, emotional maturity. ▪️Eliminating toxic people. ▪️Daily introspection. 3. The social area is all about interacting with people and the world: ▪️ Building, respecting, and defending your and other people's boundaries. ▪️ Helping others. 4. The spiritual area is devoted to your inner world: ▪️ Taking time alone with yourself. ▪️ Communicating with nature.

Take care of yourself

Only by taking care of ourselves can we give attention and share energy to our loved ones. What you can do for yourself: Write down all the things you don't like as well as that you don't want to do. For example: don't check email late at night, don't go to the events and parties you don't like, don't answer the phone during lunch and dinner. Stick to a healthy and balanced diet. Get enough sleep. An adult needs seven or eight hours of sleep. Do sports or fitness. Many people don't know this fact, but physical activity benefits our mental health, not just the physical one. It increases serotonin levels, which in turn improves mood and boosts energy. Keeping in mind the rules of self-care, choose the type of physical activity you enjoy. Don't put off necessary preventive check-ups or visits to your doctor. Regularly do relaxation exercises and/or meditate.

We all make mistakes

Cognitive distortions are when we immediately evaluate some event in a biased, erroneous way. That is, reality does not correspond to our expectations. Let's take a look at some types of cognitive distortions:⠀ ▫️ Catastrophizing Short chest pain. It's definitely a heart attack and I'm going to die.⠀ ▫️ Black and white thinking If I don't pass the interview, then I'm a worthless specialist.⠀ ▫️ Devaluing positive information. Yes, I have done well. But that's not to say that I'm good at it. I just got lucky.⠀ ▫️Labeling. I'm stupid/the boss is a tyrant. Mistakes in thinking are like optical illusions. We know that there're illusions, but don't stop believing in them and using them.

I'm a loser!

She's so touchy! You're such a bore! People tend to stick unhealthy labels on themselves or others instead of analyzing mistakes made in a particular situation. When a person thinks in terms of cliches, it leads to negative and unpleasant consequences.⠀ So what to do about it? ▫️ Learn to keep track of such cliches. ▫️ When you catch yourself thinking in this way, focus on the actual meaning of that label. What criteria did you use to realize, for example, that you are a loser? ▫️ Is the label helpful? What way? ▫️ Recall and analyze those certain situations that disprove the negative tag. For example, you had a successful interview and got a job. But what's to be done if you labeled yourself? It's better to stop such attempts right away, just don't let them happen.

The Inspiration Secrets

▫️ Praise yourself Praising yourself and bragging, being selfish or narcissistic are not the same thing. But if you have done something important, praise yourself. It will give you strength and improve your mood. ▫️ Calm your anxiety Feeling anxious gets in the way of your work. It prevents us from concentrating on important things and working at the same time. ▫️ Avoid being overwhelmed by the news There is no need to surround yourself with negativity. It doesn't make any sense and just spoils your mood and inspiration.

Men have a harder time dealing with the death of a loved one than women.

It turned out that men aged 65-69 years have a 70% increased chance of dying within the next year after the loss of a wife compared to their non-widowed peers. For women, this figure is 27%. This may be due to gender roles in the family and the fact that women are more psychologically stable.

About getting out of your comfort zone. Continuation.

And this stilted construction has either a taste of painful shame (“I’m not good enough, I’m not up to the norm, even crack”), or guilt (“I’m not trying hard enough, I’m not good, not good, no one will love me when I’m not well done"). And shame and guilt are things like thistles that will always find something to cling to, no matter how real success you achieve. Even if you finally stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop eating altogether (although this is not a success). But in a ruthless vacuum and at the limit of strength, no normal person will last long. Further, plus or minus three ways: crawl back into the "comfort zone", fall into clinical depression (when not a bad mood, but a diagnosis) or into severe psychosomatics. Which option do you like best? Me first.

About "getting out of the comfort zone". Continuation.

People who talk about "getting out of your comfort zone" usually mean no interest. If we translate this construction into simple human language, they mean something like this: I already feel like shit right now, but if I torture myself harder, maybe I will feel better? Hy don't know. If a person with the flu is still flogged in the stable, maybe he will recover later. But it is unlikely that this is from spanking. Often it sounds like self-accusation: "Yes, I'm just too lazy, I just don't want to get out of my comfort zone."