Illusion of understanding. What are the reasons for people's misunderstanding?

This is a simple example. And try to describe the words "freedom", "love", "happiness". These concepts are much broader and deeper, and there will be much more differences. We bring our own meaning to each word and hope that another person, coming from his reality, will understand it the way we understand it. But this is not possible. The reasons for misunderstanding each other lie in the fact that everyone has their own individual way of processing information. And if for your child a good walk is a game of “war” with friends, an automatic machine, a fence, bushes, shooting, loud screams, wallowing on the ground. Then, in your understanding, a good walk can be completely different, and not at all anxiety, broken knees, soiled clothes and extra laundry. Although for someone the happy eyes of their child are more important than such trifles.

Illusion of understanding. What are the reasons for people's misunderstanding?

We communicate through words. But everyone puts their own meaning into the word, and as a result builds their own picture of the world. Take the word "dog". And ask 10 people to say what this word means in their understanding. It is possible that you will find a lot in common in these descriptions, but there will be many differences. Everyone will have their own image in their head. For one, it will be a ferocious bull terrier, for another, an affectionate chihuahua in a collar with rhinestones.

That's it, I'm not doing it anymore ⠀

Yes, there are times when a person says this. He or she starts something and then suddenly gives up. For example, started learning a foreign language but quit. Wanted to go swimming, but didn't go further than one training. There are a lot of examples... Just like Sisyphus could not roll a stone up a hill, people stumble on the spot, being offended by the impossible task, circumstances and people around them, and then get disappointed in theirselves. The situation when a person doesn't get things done is one of the most common negative scenarios. It is called "Sisyphus" in psychology.

Not criticizing yourself is a skill

Supporting yourself is a skill. Saying "no" is a skill. Choosing yourself is a skill. Standing up for yourself is a skill. Taking care of yourself is a skill. Loving yourself is a skill set, So everyone can learn to love theirselves.

The declaration of self-value

I am ME. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like ME. There are people in some ways similar to me, but there is no one exactly like ME. Therefore, everything that comes from me is genuinely mine, because I am the one who chose it. I own everything about me: my body, including everything it does; my mind, including all thoughts and plans; my eyes; my feelings, whatever they may be; my mouth and all the words it utters; my voice, loud or quiet; all my actions directed toward myself or others. I own all my fantasies, dreams, hopes, and fears.

How to have a conversation and not be rejected

▫️ Speak directly, without innuendo and excuses; ▫️ Consider the other person's state of mind; ▫️ If the person is busy, call and come as arranged; ▫️ Don't lie; ▫️ Take responsibility for your own actions, don't shift it to anyone; ▫️ Don't write more than two to three messages if you do not get a response; ▫️ Don't pretend to be an expert when it comes to personal relationships. Communication is a dialogue. Under no circumstances correspondence be turned into harassment.

What kind of people are afraid to become happy? Continuation.

According to psychologists, belief in karma and black magic suggests that some people hold supernatural forces responsible for the negative effects of happiness. Perfectionist people can be overly focused on avoiding failure, which causes them to suppress their positive feelings and even view happiness as an obstacle to their goals. Belief in a collective concept of happiness (for example, the idea that a person cannot be happy if his or her family or friends are not happy) can lead people to downplay their own happiness in favor of others.

What kind of people are afraid to become happy?

Psychologists from Keimen University in South Korea have found that people with an unhappy childhood, perfectionists, loners, and those who believe in black magic and personal karma are afraid of happiness. The study was published in the journal Motivation and Emotion. Some people believe that experiencing happy emotions can lead to bad consequences, because of this they fear happiness and do not try to achieve it. Scientists decided to find out which people are most prone to this perception of happiness. The study involved 871 people from different countries. They all filled out an online questionnaire that included questions about the respondents' habits and attitudes towards happiness. “Fear of happiness was stronger among young people, singles, and perfectionists. It was also more common in people who believed in collective happiness, in black magic or karma, as well as in those who experienced an unhappy childhood, ”the scientists noted.

Don't wait till the last moment.

Start taking action right now. We often find so many reasons not to do something important. However, this leads to the lack of energy, inspiration, as well as apathy and helplessness. We have to force ourselves but we don't always have enough energy to do it. That's actually a vicious circle: we do nothing to achieve our goals, blame ourselves for it, and then we go on procrastinating. Sound familiar? That's because blaming ourselves requires a lot of effort, so then we have no energy to do something else.

6 steps to loving yourself

1. Learn to accept yourself, your appearance and your personality. 2. If necessary, change your behavior, but stay an individual. 3. Take life into your own hands and face consequences of your actions. 4. Support yourself. Learn to be proud, treat yourself. Learn to think positive of yourself and those around you. 5. Don’t judge yourself or others. Remember: every imperfection is subjective. 6. Be independent from others’ POV’s. Listen to yourself as well. You don’t have to agree with anything they say, just keep it in mind.

Briefly about manipulation from the book "Psychology of Influence" by Robert Cialdini

Scarcity Principle Explanation: Something that is rare or inaccessible has a value in our eyes, the more it is, the more scarce it is. People are also more likely to avoid losing what they already have than acquiring new ones. Example: "the number of new iphone ** is limited" - you can raise the price.

Briefly about manipulation from the book "Psychology of Influence" by Robert Cialdini

Оbedience to authorities. Explanation: in a person in the process of education, the habit of obedience to authorities is laid, and this habit is very persistent, and completely unconscious. Example: Dr. House advertising a drug or something related to medicine. Although the actor is not at all versed in medicine, many will stupidly follow his authoritative advice.

Briefly about manipulation from the book "Psychology of Influence" by Robert Cialdini

Favor. Explanation: We are most willing to comply with the demands of those we know or like. Example: the seller of some unnecessary garbage says: "Your friend John advised me to contact you." In advertising, only the beautiful and famous are specially used.

Briefly about manipulation from the book "Psychology of Influence" by Robert Cialdini

The principle of social proof. Explanation: According to this principle, we consider correct behavior that other people often demonstrate in a similar situation. Example: phrases in advertising: “millions of people have already tried product X”, “hundreds of reviews on our website”, etc.

Briefly about manipulation from the book "Psychology of Influence" by Robert Cialdini

Commitment and consistency. Explanation: You are encouraged to take an action, the logical continuation of which will be a subsequent action that is desirable for the manipulator. Example: filling out a questionnaire “I would buy such and such a product at such and such a price”, a test drive of a car involves its subsequent purchase, the issuance of “I vote for John” badges before the elections, etc.

Briefly about manipulation from the book "Psychology of Influence" by Robert Cialdini

Assignment agreement. Method of manipulation: the manipulator puts forward a clearly inflated demand, and then "agrees to a concession", while his goal is just the second demand. You feel the need to agree (based on the reciprocity rule) because you were given a favor and relented. Example: in expensive boutiques, first they set inflated prices, and then they announce discounts.

Briefly about manipulation from the book "Psychology of Influence" by Robert Cialdini

Reciprocity rule. Explanation: the manipulator offers you a "gift", after which he offers to buy something, or perform a certain action. The automatic reaction forces you to agree to his offer, even if the amount of your expenses is clearly inadequate for his gift. Example: Hare Krishnas on the street will not ask for donations directly - they first give you a flower or a book (absolutely unnecessary for you), and then they say that in return you can thank them by making a donation.

All at once" only happens in fairy tales and low-budget soap operas.

Some things take time. Many of them take months or even years. Just because something is failing right now doesn't mean you will never succeed. Just a little patience. This is the fundamental formula for success and a wise approach to life. It's worth realizing that everything you've conceived, and everything you dream of is bound to come true if you stay calm and keep working on it. All in good time.

How to organize your life

First, determine the reason for your lack of organization. Why is your life chaotic and messy? For some people, a busy schedule makes it difficult to get things organized. Others just lack motivation or don't know where to start. So, to start organizing your life, you must recognize the cause of your disorganization and make the decision to change it once and forever. Think about what exactly needs to be organized. It's easy to say "everything," but you're likely to have more problems in certain areas of your life than in others. What is the thing that makes your life falling apart? Maybe housecleaning, or making plans, or it refers to finances? Which of them causes the most stress? Also don't forget to consider the aspects of your life, such as work, relationships, friendships, vacation, and surely mindset. Pick one most painful issue and work on it, then move on to the next one.

How to change your character for the better?

Sometimes a change in appearance can change a person's character. This is especially true for women. Changing, for example, her hair color, a woman begins to notice that over time her attitude to life has changed in accordance with this color. For example, blond hair brings softness and romanticism to the character, dark hair is inherent in people who are strong and purposeful. There is also an inverse relationship. When a reassessment of values occurs in your mind, there is a desire to change your appearance in accordance with your new “I”. The task of changing your character is not an easy one, remember this, and in an effort to improve your character, also pay attention to not acquiring other negative traits. Control it and get rid of them in time.