The «What if I died right now?» guilt trip manipulation

Says, for example, your mother. Is that supposed to be a joke? Well, it’s not funny at all. In fact, it’s a very common type of manipulation. With a very difficult internal decision to make as a result - to go along with it! A sense of duty and a sense of guilt will follow, planted in the brain by an experienced adult in the most subtle way. What is bad about such a relationship? Exhausting megatons of your energy. These relationships last for decades. Some children were "lucky" to grow up in such an environment. How to fix this? To begin with, understand that this is pure manipulation. And since there is no way to distance yourself from the object (it’s your mother for crying out loud), then start changing your attitude to the situation. Do not react, rather ignore her statements. It’s important to ignore such behavior METHODICALLY.

Love should be earned

What does that mean? A person in a relationship begins to "pay" with his health, do more than he wants, expect reward, sacrifice, give the clothes off their backs. Why does this happen? Most often, this is not a sign of great love or devotion, but a sign of approaching childhood trauma and codependent relationships. This person is reminded how, as a child, they could not just get love and so they paid with themselves, their body, desires or emotions to earn love, because children have nothing but that. Nothing to pay with but yourself. And that’s monstrous.

People are not born evil

Experience makes them evil.⠀ Experience hurts and scars people, causing them to see danger everywhere. Experience dictates what good is, which often does not coincide with our understanding of it. Experience dictates a certain form of love, but sometimes this form does not suit us at all. In many ways, experience shapes consciousness. Together it’s a lot more than we inherent from mother nature.⠀

What makes a good parent?

Firstly, the ability to restrain as well as restrain oneself. Don’t bite the bullet, rather refrain from expressive emotions to avoid interrupting communication. Secondly, it’s understanding why we are making this or that decision. Why do we forbid, why do we make mistakes. Understanding how our decisions will affect the character and fate of our child. Thirdly, the ability to clearly distinguish between the boundary of your desires and the desires of the child. For example, you were engaged in hockey, but for a number of reasons did not achieve the desired results. And so you shift your hockey dreams onto the head of your own son. And he, by the way, dreams of playing the guitar.

Developing communication skills

Everyone knows how important it is to be a good speaker. So, let's go straight to the tips that will help improve your communication skills: ℹ️ Show initiative. Don't be shy about making contact first. If you want a conversation, just start it. ℹ️ Be open-minded. Don't be afraid to show your emotions and thoughts, because with openness you are more likely to find good friends. ℹ️ Listen without interrupting. It's a very simple tip, but many people forget about it anyway. Listening without interrupting is a good way to understand others and match them.

How to build resilience?

There are situations in life when there is too much stress and you need to be able to be resilient to it, otherwise the end will be dire. Here are 2 tips that can help to improve your stress tolerance: Mental attitude. Stress release depends on our thoughts among other things. It's important to be on the positive side, then the release of the stress hormone will be less. Tea. Tea contains L-theanine. This unique amino acid fills our body with energy and boosts our stress tolerance.

Trauma - what is it and where does it come from

Trauma is caused by a disturbing stressful event which we cannot cope with. But life is impossible without stress. The first stress a person experiences while being born, and according to some reports, even earlier - in the womb. And over the course of life, the number of stressful situations naturally increases. At the same time, it can improve or ruin one's stress tolerance. Whether an experience becomes a useful lesson or a trauma depends not only on the scale of the stressful situation, but also on the capacity of the person's mental health at any given moment, as well as on the support that the person receives during or after the traumatic event.

How to come up with new ideas

Many people think that this is some kind of talent or phenomenon, but that’s actually not true. Here we will tell you about the ways that will help your brain come up with cool new ideas: Welcome silly ideas. The reason for fear and creative block is that you expect brilliant ideas right away. It doesn't happen that way. Always fight for quantity, form and link associations. Write down your idea immediately. As soon as you have an idea, immediately write it down in a diary, record it on a dictaphone or save it in your notes. Be grateful for the ideas. If you get a new idea, thank yourself for it. It seems silly, but it works.

Rate your self-confidence out of 9 on the Confident Attributes Scale

1- Express your point of view clearly 2- Speak out loud 3- Attending events with enthusiasm 4- The ability to deliver in front of a group of people 5- Accept criticism 6- Admitting a mistake 7- Helping others 8- Mention the characteristics of those around you 9- Not feeling inferior in front of anyone

Start enjoying what you already have

The problem with many people is that they are sure they will be happy when they reach a certain level in life, and they determine this level from more affluent relatives, colleagues, acquaintances, or even from movie images. They spend time and effort to reach this level, and when they reach the goal, it turns out that there are more well-to-do idols to strive for. In the end, they spend their whole lives in a duel with someone else's shadow, instead of daily enjoying their lives.

The family is preserved as long as it is the woman who wants it.

That's how long she can endure, stretch, survive, so much time the family will last. A woman wants to belong to one, but to please everyone. A man wants to have everyone, but that one belongs only to him. The law of strong relationships is simple: men must act, women must inspire. The less you love a woman, the more other men she has. A man takes care of a woman for a short time, and a woman takes care of a man for the rest of her life. Among males, a woman becomes a bitch. Among idiots - an ulcer. If you want a real woman next to you, stay a real man. A loving man will never leave a woman. But a woman can leave ... Even if it is difficult for her to breathe without him. He leaves, picking himself up piece by piece. He will leave, having tasted in full his indifference and neglect. She will leave, even if she loves her very much. Let not immediately, even gradually, but she will leave him ... A woman always leaves the one who does not know how to take care of her.

MISTAKES IN THE BEGINNING OF A RELATIONSHIP

• Sit in the house and wait for the man to do everything himself. He will come, he will save, he will prove, he will conquer. Relationships are a story about two people. • To see in a man a support, a savior who will finally relieve loneliness and other problems. • Hang in expectations and fantasies. And get upset when things don't go according to plan. • Self-initiate and impose because of impatience. Getting close too fast. Get closer physically faster than personal interest, emotions arise. These mistakes lead to the fact that either the interest of a man goes out when he invests, or does not have time to grow when a woman is ahead of events.

THESE BOOKS WILL MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS STRONGER

Save so as not to lose! • Vyacheslav Prakh “Women are made to...” • Gary Chapman “The Five Love Languages” • John Gray “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” • Allan and Barbara Pease “The Language of Man-Woman Relationships” • Harvey Steve “Do It like a woman, think like a man"

Work with self-esteem

When a person loves himself and accepts himself as he is, he does not have excessive demands on himself, which he cannot overcome and eventually abandons his plan. Set goals in accordance with your abilities, and in order to overcome a higher bar, you need to constantly develop and work on yourself. The courses and trainings available today will help with this.

Learn to appreciate every moment

Psychologists have found that happy people are professionally more successful, healthy, altruistic and socially active. If you do not notice the magic that the Universe creates for us, calling it a coincidence or accident, it is worth considering. Learn to appreciate every moment, especially when you share it with someone who is dear to you. Try to understand that even negative experiences and negativity lead the way and make sense. There is no better moment to feel happy. Learn to notice the elusive processes of the flow of life!

3 SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL INSTABILITY IN MEN

1. Due to low self-esteem, he sees life in gray and black colors. An emotionally unstable man, of course, can experience positive emotions, but quickly catches on and begins to look for negative moments in what happened. 2. He approached the relationship with you, having a negative experience of novels. One of the main signs of an unstable weak-willed man is his enchanting ability to find relationships where he will play the role of an interior element. 3. He has habits that make you anxious. For example, overeating or a tendency to wash down all your problems with a glass of something stronger. Only in this way will his condition return to calm and comfortable. With an emotionally unstable man, you will get tired of his constant mood swings. It's like walking through a minefield, each time risking blown up and incurring negativity from your partner.

How is talking to a friend different from talking to a psychologist?

Psychotherapy is different from talking to friends. The psychologist will never criticize your choice, evaluate or refer to your own experience. With rare exceptions, when the psychologist understands that his personal history can have a specific therapeutic effect, and he does this consciously. The main thing you can do for yourself in therapy is to try to speak openly and sincerely. We understand that it can be difficult even with close people - and you are seeing a psychologist for the first time. There is no clear instruction on how to talk to a psychologist. It shouldn't be: psychotherapy is the best space to just be yourself. But finding the right psychologist for you can be very difficult and time consuming.

Sometimes you need to talk about your weaknesses

Of course, not directly and in the first words. You just don’t need to hide your weaknesses with all diligence - there is no reason to create the image of an “ideal guy”. To seem attractive, you need to be perfect and human at the same time. The girl (and all of us) has a stereotype that when a person wants to prove himself from the best side, he shows only pluses. We are used to it, it does not surprise us. Therefore, when we see how a person is not shy about talking about some of his minor shortcomings, this arouses interest. Yes, it is better to keep the global cons to yourself - you are not with a psychotherapist. What is catchy about this trick is that a person does not depend on someone else's approval. This independence is a fundamental quality.

INCENTIVE TO ACTION

Never resort to hints, no matter how wonderful your relationship is. Any, even the most calm man, is terribly annoyed by the game "Guess what I want." A simple example. You come home from work and say: “I'm so tired, and I also have to clean up the hallway and cook dinner. How nice it would be if loved ones noticed my fatigue more often. Do you feel that egoism emanates from these speeches? Optimal Phrase: “Honey, I had a hard day. Clean up, please, in the hallway. You help me out so much." Thus, you show that you believe in your chosen one, you feel his support and strength.

Life and work

My principles: life and work. Ray Dalio. Be realistic, but don't lose the ability to dream. Be honest with yourself about your dreams. And don't give up because of your fears. Learn to allocate your time between daily tasks and moving towards a strategic goal. Do not confuse momentary desires and the main goal. Don't give up when faced with problems. Most problems are stages of development. Solving them, you go to the life of your dreams. If you don't change, you slowly die. Be open to new knowledge and views of the world and do not be afraid to strive for ambitious goals.