I'm offended!

Few girls, at least once in their lives, have not used this phrase as a tool to manipulate their partner. But frankly speaking, TOUCHINESS is often a sign of low emotional intelligence. That is, too sensitive people don't know how to control their emotions. A person with a high EQ subtly feels the mood of others. She or he pays attention to their intonation, is able to adjust their behavior, keeps emotions under control and never come into conflict where it can be avoided. How to deal with resentment? Increase your EQ. There are many ways to do this. Give it a try

Caution — forbidden topics!

It is nice when you can talk to your partner about EVERYTHING. But there are some taboo topics you should not discuss. Former partners. Neither about their quantity, nor about their quality. Even if you get answers to deliberately stupid questions. Does that make sense? Oh yes, you can now torment yourself by various distorted fantasies, like "maybe he was feeling better with her," or vice versa. Parents. It's a very sensitive subject. No discussion. Other people's appearance. Especially if you like someone who has something that your partner lacks. Such talk will awaken the person's complexes or even provoke jealousy.

The best teacher is personal experience, but it's expensive.

However, some of us just never learn from errors they have made. I mean, many people, having once made a mistake in choosing a partner, seek the same personality type over and over again. Why? Where does this masochism come from? For example, a young man in his late teens fell in love with a femme fatale. The relationship didn't work out, and the guy was badly burned. But, after that, he tried to create a serious relationship with the woman similar to his ex. Obviously, all these attempts failed. We are attracted to the familiar type, since something already discovered seems to us the most pleasant, sympathetic, almost native. And often, this is not the case.

Marriage cannot be pardoned!

A man who DOESN'T WANT to get married will remain unmarried psychologically, even if he marries. You see? He will try to avoid his family in any way he can, from drinking alcohol and playing computer games to becoming a workaholic, cheating, and hanging out with friends. Psychologically single man, even when married, is kind of not here, that is not with you or the kids, while you're staying together. He is absent. Many women live with such a husband and feel discomfort all the time. You can't change that - it was just a wrong choice. So, unless you want to live with a man who will almost always be psychologically absent - never force a man to marry. You will lose.

Afraid of relationships.

Frequently, unsuccessful relationships cause FEAR of getting into a new one. So, life goes on and you meet interesting people, but you don't dare... The most important thing to understand is that NO ONE can EVER guarantee that a new relationship will be perfect. Moreover, any relationship, even the most wonderful and dreamy, may end one day. None of us is safe from the pain and disappointments of breakups. Realizing and accepting this, is the FOUNDATION of maturity! We are not in control of other people. So the OTHER always poses a threat to our psyche. However, the joy of a relationship is worth taking risk AGAIN!

Wording matters.

Sometimes we program our minds with our own words. How? Very simple! Here's a comparison of two phrases: "I am oppressed" and "I feel oppressed." Is there a difference? At first glance, it seems like there isn't. However, these sentences have different meanings. When someone says, "I feel oppressed," he's referring to some kind of feeling. And any feeling can be changed, that is, it is possible to stop feeling oppressed. The phrase "I am oppressed" indicates that the person has put circumstances before her/himself and is unable to change anything. Use the power of words to your advantage and always be aware of the wording you use. Remember: you control your emotions and not vice versa.

Your Own Path

If you know exactly where you're going and why, you shouldn't care what OTHERS think of you. This is hard to achieve because you've been taught from childhood to conform to someone else's concept of norm . But it is possible - if you have enough courage to break the rules, to distinguish your goals from the imposed ones, and not just go YOUR OWN way, but continue to follow them despite difficulties, setbacks and outside pressure. To go your own way without looking back at the opinions of others means to have a strong spirit.

To walk a fine line.

Intimacy vs. codependence. Here's what can help you see the difference. — The desire to share your emotions is intimacy. Trying to impose your moods - codependency. — Talking openly about what you're not happy with in a relationship is intimacy. Imposing blame on the other for relationship problems - codependency. — Having your OWN social circle and letting the other have theirs is intimacy. NOT having any connections outside your relationship - codependency. — Having your priorities and interests and sharing them with your partner is intimacy. CHANGING your values to suit your partner or trying to change his/hers to suit you - codependence. The main thing is to strike a balance.

Codependent Relationships. Where is the way out?

To begin with, you need to answer the question honestly: do you really want to quit this relationship? If so, why haven't you done it yet? People want a magic pill, that is to make everything happen in one fell swoop, without pain, without working on one's self, without thinking, just WHOOSH and everything is easy and good, as if this relationship never happened. So, it never was and never will be. This is infantile, childish thinking. You have to pay for everything. And sometimes you have to pay VERY dearly. The first step to resolve this problem is to understand the reasons WHY you got into it. If you don't find out the reasons and work them out, you have all the chances to be trapped into the similar painful relationship again!

I don't judge, I accept and support.

That's because there is no single model of happiness for everyone. I feel really perplexed when Nancy, a happy mother of many children, insistently advises Mary, a career woman, to have children, and Mary, in response, rolling her eyes and clicking her tongue, advises Nancy to drop everything and go to Japan, to the Hanami holiday. Why do people think that there is only one happiness model - THEIR OWN? After all, the world is so beautiful in its diversity of shapes and colors. And there is nothing more foolish than trying to fit everything and everyone into one single theory.

Three things you shouldn't expect from other people.

Don't expect people to respect you if you don't respect yourself. It is important to be kind to others, but it is equally important to be kind to yourself. Don't expect a person to suddenly change. A common misconception is that if you care deeply about someone, they will eventually stop disappointing you and change. No, it won't change. Don't expect everyone to like you. It doesn't matter how well you treat other people, there will always be at least one negative person who will criticize you. Smile, ignore and move on.

Help others.

Helping other people may not always be safe for your psychological state. We are talking about those situations when you do not want to do something, but it is inconvenient for you to refuse. Some people tend to help to the detriment of their own interests, do it on an ongoing basis. Reliability, setting the interests of others higher than their own - a vivid example of how those who were not loved in childhood deserve this love. It seems to them that without acting solely in the interests of others, nothing will work. And it works in their lives. People often use them because of their kindness and openness.

The border is LOCKED.

We lock our apartment, guard our car with alarms, check if our backpack is locked, and if our wallet and credit cards are safe. But often, while keeping things safe, we forget to take care of our inner security. Each of us has our own private world. And only YOU have the right to decide where its boundaries, who to let into it, and who - absolutely not. Healthy psychological boundaries are: - Awareness of the value of one's opinion. - Conformity to internal attitudes and priorities. - Careful handling of personal information. - Understanding your own wants and needs. - The ability to say NO. - The ability to respect others' privacy. Personal boundaries serve us as a reliable FARE guard, protecting us from unnecessary intrusions and stress, and preserve our inner harmony.

Diary therapy.

Nothing new, everything is as old as the WORLD. By the way, the practice of keeping diaries dates back to ancient Japan in the 10th century, when the ladies of the court kept records of their life and love in "sleep books". So how does a diary work? It's a great, if not the best, tool for REFLECTION - getting to know yourself, your feelings and emotions. It's the best way to safely EXPRESS yourself - the case when pen and paper are your best friends. Paper will accept everything: your anger, your sorrow, your love and your craziest ideas. But it is worth keeping a diary consciously, so that it is not just a remedy for your stress or anxiety, but so that it can help you understand and realize yourself more deeply.

Love triangle - where is the way out?

A love triangle is a situation where one of the spouses or intimate partners has a relationship with someone else... that is, a romantic relationship involving three people. Where is the way out? Be aware of your role in this relationship. What's your role? Are you a hostage to the situation or its cause? Analyze what you are getting out of this relationship? What are they giving you? Consider your options for getting out of the triangle. Whatever corner of the triangle you are in, take care of yourself, restore your emotional balance, and only then make decisions. Do rely on yourself. MATURE men and women never be caught in love triangles - they are not interested in them and do not need them. A love triangle is essentially a triad - mom-dad-child. And these roles in a triangle flow and change from one to the other. Generally, people who find themselves in such a triangle, have not solved the child-parent conflict with their parents in childhood and are still immature.

Emotional burnout — where does it come from and how to get rid of it?

It has been said about it so much, however, I have personally experienced this state and thus know how difficult it is to overcome this problem. Basically, it happens when you give a lot and receive little, or you receive it much later. Therefore, the body accumulates tension. And if that tension lasts long enough, then the phase of emotional exhaustion sets in. If you find yourself in this state for a long period, you need to look for a way out. It may be very hard to identify the causes and resolve problems without a psychologist, but you can start it on your own though. ▫️ Recognize the problem. ▫️ Determine your state of mind by taking the Boyko or Maslach Burnout Inventory. ▫️ Listen to your body. ▫️ RELAX. Create your sleep and work schedule. ▫️ Delegate responsibilities at work and at home. And most importantly - love yourself and don't wear yourself out, life is one!

Masculine and Feminine Styles of Handling Conflict

Have you noticed? If we girls quarrel, it's SERIOUSLY and FOR THE LONG HAUL. After that, it is very difficult for us to establish relations with each other, as a rule, the fallout from a serious quarrel remains forever. In MEN'S RELATIONSHIP the opposite is true. Men can also argue very seriously, they tend to figure things out more aggressively, shout louder, and may even fight. However, when the issue is over, they easily return to their previous relationship. Psychologists explain it the following way: girls usually play conflict-free games in their childhood, so they learn to appreciate harmony and friendship. Boys, playing more dynamic and aggressive games, get into conflict situations more often and quickly resolve them to get back to the game as soon as possible.

Getting rid of negativity.

If you keep coming back to an unpleasant event over and over again, it's worth finding an activity you can "throw yourself into". The most effective way to stop getting worked up is to exercise. Personally, any kind of routine helps me a lot. I turn on my favorite music and immerse myself in work completely. For example: cleaning the house, jogging in the park or walking the dog. Physical activity stimulates the production of endorphins, which push away negative emotions and causes fatigue that can distract you from bad experiences.

Why grow up?

GETTING OLDER, we learn assessing the situation with a cool head and finding ways to solve it. Without counting on or expecting help from others. Relying on ourselves gives support, faith and confidence even in hard times. Maturity allows us to set priorities and refuse unnecessary things. Strong inner self-support allows us to do it quickly, without long deliberations and feelings of guilt or shame. Maturity also allows us to delegate some things. And that helps as avoid anxiety and fear that the other can't handle it. Maturity lets us assess our state of mind and signals that it's time to take a break. The inner core allows to take time for ourselves without remorse and fear of "What will people think?!". The INNER CORE together with maturity helps transform fears into resources, and negative qualities into helpful ones.

Learning how to forgive.

Unnecessary offenses poison our lives, first of all to those who are offended. As for the offender, keep in mind that he or she will sleep peacefully, not even feeling any concern. So it is easier and better for yourself to forgive and let go. Some steps to do it: MAKE THE DECISION TO FORGIVE. The most important thing about forgiveness is to realize that YOU need it much more than your abuser. LIVE YOUR EMOTIONS. Respect your feelings, don't hide them in yourself, find an opportunity to live them and feel them fully. Even if not immediately, but gradually you will become much easier. REMEMBER THE TIMES YOU WERE FORGIVEN. Remember how you regretted your own mistakes and how important it was for you to receive forgiveness from those you offended. Choose TO BE STRONG. Don't let your resentment poison your life.