How to let go of the past.

Don't impose standards on yourself. It's a trap! There is such a thing called "the standard of expectations." Most people are absolutely certain that any standard situation must have its standard course. And, accordingly, most traumas and hurt feelings from the past are failed expectations. For example, a woman gets married because she expects her husband to provide for her, while the husband earns very little and does not try to earn more, so the woman gets divorced and gets angry at the whole world, thinking that all men are vile and lazy. The divorce took place many years ago, and if it were not for her continually angry and depressed state of mind, the young energetic woman would have simply found herself another man among those who aims to make money, and does not consider it a feat. However, all of her energy is spent regretting the past and the wasted best years of her life.

Step-by-step happiness.

Living in a fast-paced city and the lack of time are the main enemies of happiness. Speeding up life makes us feel like we are sitting on a fast car's passenger seat, where our emotions and feelings begin to flash like lights behind the window. We don't have time just to feel anything. Our lives blur and we fall into a strange space of "emotionlessness." So take your time, let your feelings slowly develop, and your happiness will blossom.

An inappropriate substitution.

"What makes me happy?" - many people ask themselves, and what do they eventually choose to do? Drinking alcohol, hanging out, overeating sweets and doing nothing for months, or something even worse. Well, isn't being healthy, self-sufficient and successful the happiness? Distinguish true happiness and short-term pleasure. They are different things and so are the results.

Spend more time reading!

With every book we read the world around us grows and we open up to it in a whole new way. ▫️Unfortunately because of the internet, reading books isn’t so popular anymore. But reading literature through electronic gadgets doesn’t convey the characters’ emotions and meaning behind their actions as well as books do. A hard-cover book can convey what the character is feeling and what is going on in their hearts. Books are food for our thoughts and warmth for our souls.

Time to live!

Anxiety, worries, fears, grudges - this is what concerns every person every day. Only for some reason people prefer to look the other way. If the stomach is bothering you, for example, you go to the doctor. ✔however, when they have depressive thoughts and a burden on their chest - they bottle up their emotions and they live on. And the situation only gets more complicated. Enough is enough! Stop lying to yourself that you don't have the time, energy or money to take care of yourself. Tale care of your thoughts, your beautiful soul and break the circle of survival. ✔a circle where you struggle with problems, difficulties, sometimes even with relatives. ✔Take the firdt step, do it! Only you and your own to feet are able to do it.

Second opinions.

Freedom of speech and equality, to which the whole world is actively striving, can sometimes backfire. There are information attacks and hoaxes, news which are absurd but still lots of people believe. ▫️And there is a single reason for all of this — everyone seeks to impose their own opinions. Sharing personal views is not so bad, but what if a person is completely incompetent in what they say? Everyone wants to give their 2 cents where nobody asked. And you, as a reasonable person, should be able to understand and sense the difference between what is worth listening to and what is not. Don't even try to explain anything - they will still try to prove the opposite to you with foam at the mouth. However, if you see that a person is disposed to criticism, then this is not such a bad idea — you can thoroughly discuss it.

11 Things Worse Than Cheating.

Cheating is a quick and 100% way to ruin a relationship, but there are lots of other things that are just as, if not more, dangerous when it comes to risks to marital happiness. ▪️ Lying and hiding things from your partner. ▪️ Not being completely attached to the person. ▪️ Quiet disagreement. ▪️ Lack of communication. ▪️ Stubbornness, not compromising. ▪️ Arguing over trivial things and everyday issues. ▪️ Condescension. ▪️ Staying in a relationship of convenience. ▪️ Manipulating. ▪️ Jealousy. ▪️ Pretending.

How to get excited about life.

▫️ Create a "haven of solitude" at home That is, your own space where everything is exactly the way you want it. Choose the most comfortable place — bedroom, balcony, bathroom, and furnish it with those items that make you feel relaxed. Candles, fragrance oil sticks, a rug with a fluffy nap, a bouquet of dried flowers, a painting, etc. ▫️ Start a "grounding" ritual. That is, a healthy habit to become a daily ritual that fills you with energy. It can be just reading a few book pages before going to bed, walking in a park, doing yoga, drinking a cup of tea every night in a quiet cafe. Choose your own, and such an "anchor" will become a regular emotional nourishment for you. ▫️ Observe Keep in mind that each of us needs to talk and get through our emotions, and that we can support ourselves better than anyone else. You can try to imagine a glass wall between you and the person you're talking to.

Books that will tickle your nerves.

1. "Gerald's Game," Stephen King The author's name speaks for itself. The guru of horror and suspense offers a tale that will give you goosebumps: the heroine, handcuffed to bed in a country house. There's not a soul around, the door is open, and the first guest to come is a stray dog... 2."Recursion," Blake Crouch A detective investigates a strange suicide: a woman killed herself because she was longing for her husband and son. Which she never had. And this case is not the last: it seems that the world is dotted with an epidemic of madness. The investigation leads to the secret laboratories of neurobiologists. Who is responsible for the mind games of thousands of people, and how to stop it? 3."The Perfect Nanny," Leila Slimani The bestselling psychological thriller written by a French writer. Based on a true story.

I'm offended!

Few girls, at least once in their lives, have not used this phrase as a tool to manipulate their partner. But frankly speaking, TOUCHINESS is often a sign of low emotional intelligence. That is, too sensitive people don't know how to control their emotions. A person with a high EQ subtly feels the mood of others. She or he pays attention to their intonation, is able to adjust their behavior, keeps emotions under control and never come into conflict where it can be avoided. How to deal with resentment? Increase your EQ. There are many ways to do this. Give it a try

Caution — forbidden topics!

It is nice when you can talk to your partner about EVERYTHING. But there are some taboo topics you should not discuss. Former partners. Neither about their quantity, nor about their quality. Even if you get answers to deliberately stupid questions. Does that make sense? Oh yes, you can now torment yourself by various distorted fantasies, like "maybe he was feeling better with her," or vice versa. Parents. It's a very sensitive subject. No discussion. Other people's appearance. Especially if you like someone who has something that your partner lacks. Such talk will awaken the person's complexes or even provoke jealousy.

The best teacher is personal experience, but it's expensive.

However, some of us just never learn from errors they have made. I mean, many people, having once made a mistake in choosing a partner, seek the same personality type over and over again. Why? Where does this masochism come from? For example, a young man in his late teens fell in love with a femme fatale. The relationship didn't work out, and the guy was badly burned. But, after that, he tried to create a serious relationship with the woman similar to his ex. Obviously, all these attempts failed. We are attracted to the familiar type, since something already discovered seems to us the most pleasant, sympathetic, almost native. And often, this is not the case.

Marriage cannot be pardoned!

A man who DOESN'T WANT to get married will remain unmarried psychologically, even if he marries. You see? He will try to avoid his family in any way he can, from drinking alcohol and playing computer games to becoming a workaholic, cheating, and hanging out with friends. Psychologically single man, even when married, is kind of not here, that is not with you or the kids, while you're staying together. He is absent. Many women live with such a husband and feel discomfort all the time. You can't change that - it was just a wrong choice. So, unless you want to live with a man who will almost always be psychologically absent - never force a man to marry. You will lose.

Afraid of relationships.

Frequently, unsuccessful relationships cause FEAR of getting into a new one. So, life goes on and you meet interesting people, but you don't dare... The most important thing to understand is that NO ONE can EVER guarantee that a new relationship will be perfect. Moreover, any relationship, even the most wonderful and dreamy, may end one day. None of us is safe from the pain and disappointments of breakups. Realizing and accepting this, is the FOUNDATION of maturity! We are not in control of other people. So the OTHER always poses a threat to our psyche. However, the joy of a relationship is worth taking risk AGAIN!

Wording matters.

Sometimes we program our minds with our own words. How? Very simple! Here's a comparison of two phrases: "I am oppressed" and "I feel oppressed." Is there a difference? At first glance, it seems like there isn't. However, these sentences have different meanings. When someone says, "I feel oppressed," he's referring to some kind of feeling. And any feeling can be changed, that is, it is possible to stop feeling oppressed. The phrase "I am oppressed" indicates that the person has put circumstances before her/himself and is unable to change anything. Use the power of words to your advantage and always be aware of the wording you use. Remember: you control your emotions and not vice versa.

Your Own Path

If you know exactly where you're going and why, you shouldn't care what OTHERS think of you. This is hard to achieve because you've been taught from childhood to conform to someone else's concept of norm . But it is possible - if you have enough courage to break the rules, to distinguish your goals from the imposed ones, and not just go YOUR OWN way, but continue to follow them despite difficulties, setbacks and outside pressure. To go your own way without looking back at the opinions of others means to have a strong spirit.

To walk a fine line.

Intimacy vs. codependence. Here's what can help you see the difference. — The desire to share your emotions is intimacy. Trying to impose your moods - codependency. — Talking openly about what you're not happy with in a relationship is intimacy. Imposing blame on the other for relationship problems - codependency. — Having your OWN social circle and letting the other have theirs is intimacy. NOT having any connections outside your relationship - codependency. — Having your priorities and interests and sharing them with your partner is intimacy. CHANGING your values to suit your partner or trying to change his/hers to suit you - codependence. The main thing is to strike a balance.

Codependent Relationships. Where is the way out?

To begin with, you need to answer the question honestly: do you really want to quit this relationship? If so, why haven't you done it yet? People want a magic pill, that is to make everything happen in one fell swoop, without pain, without working on one's self, without thinking, just WHOOSH and everything is easy and good, as if this relationship never happened. So, it never was and never will be. This is infantile, childish thinking. You have to pay for everything. And sometimes you have to pay VERY dearly. The first step to resolve this problem is to understand the reasons WHY you got into it. If you don't find out the reasons and work them out, you have all the chances to be trapped into the similar painful relationship again!

I don't judge, I accept and support.

That's because there is no single model of happiness for everyone. I feel really perplexed when Nancy, a happy mother of many children, insistently advises Mary, a career woman, to have children, and Mary, in response, rolling her eyes and clicking her tongue, advises Nancy to drop everything and go to Japan, to the Hanami holiday. Why do people think that there is only one happiness model - THEIR OWN? After all, the world is so beautiful in its diversity of shapes and colors. And there is nothing more foolish than trying to fit everything and everyone into one single theory.

Three things you shouldn't expect from other people.

Don't expect people to respect you if you don't respect yourself. It is important to be kind to others, but it is equally important to be kind to yourself. Don't expect a person to suddenly change. A common misconception is that if you care deeply about someone, they will eventually stop disappointing you and change. No, it won't change. Don't expect everyone to like you. It doesn't matter how well you treat other people, there will always be at least one negative person who will criticize you. Smile, ignore and move on.