The bystander effect

Why doesn't anyone come to help? The more people who observe an emergency situation, the less likely they are to offer help. Example: this experiment was conducted in 1968 by social psychologists Bibb Latane and John Darley in New York City. One college student simulated an epileptic seizure. In a situation where one passerby was present during the seizure, the student received help 85% of the time, and only 35% of the time if there was more than one person nearby.

How is apathy manifested?

Apathy is a symptom manifested through the feeling of indifference, a detached attitude to what is going on around, lack of desire for any activity, absence of a negative and positive attitude to reality, absence of emotions.

The effect of the present moment

We have difficulty relating "me today" to "me tomorrow," so we often allow ourselves to do what we like to do now, leaving "those we will be later" to take the blame for these fleeting pleasures. Many of us live as if they are timeless, so they tend to put difficult things off. Case in point: During research, 74% of shoppers, when choosing a meal for the week, preferred healthy fruit. And when they were asked to make a choice for the current day, 70% of experiment participants chose chocolate. The solution: try not to identify "you today" with "you tomorrow." Imagine that tomorrow will be another person, and remember that no one but you can do your job.

Do not try to overcome all fears.

The main mistake: “First I will deal with fears, then I will begin to act.” If you have the impression that only desperate brave men, adventurers and lovers of shaking the good old values ​​\u200b\u200bare acting at once, then this is not true. Or rather, not all. The truth is only about values, because it is just useful to test them for strength. In fact, everyone is afraid. Waiting for the moment when it will not be scary is not worth it. Surprisingly, change often begins with fear. With great fear that life will pass, and we will not even give ourselves a chance to fight for a dream.

Where to get energy?

Well, there is no single answer to this question, neither for me nor for anyone else, because there're different sources of power for each of us. How to unleash your source of energy? Recognize the slightest signs of lively interest in whatever it is. When something makes your eyes shine, it's that very real interest that connects the one to her or his living creative genius. The habit of gathering these little lights will open up access to inner resources.

Read paper books.

I agree that a house full of books is a dust collector. But the results of numerous studies show that information from paper books is remembered and analyzed much better than electronic or audiobooks. Why? The feature of our brain is that the information that is received by all the senses is better remembered. We hold a book in our hands, flip through its pages, smell it, feel the paper by our fingers, look at the cover and illustrations, and, of course, read.

Healthy selfishness.

Learn to think first about your needs, desires, dreams, and only after that spend the remaining time on others. This will help you save energy to achieve your goals and weed out everything that is secondary.

Limit the flow of negativity.

To become a better person, you mustn't let negative information or destructive people into your life. They ruin harmony, make you doubt your strength, and upset you. The concept of NEGATIVE is what people assess as something bad, unpleasant, hard, adverse, owing to psychological reasons. That is, sometimes intentional is not deliberate, not generated in the mind. Unkind criticism, raging, blaming and self-blaming, hurting oneself, seeing everything in a black color - all this is negativity.

What is emotional betrayal and why is it dangerous?

Emotional cheating is when a person is married or in a serious relationship, but gives someone else more time, energy and feelings than their partner. With this "friend" he shares his innermost thoughts, he prefers to turn to him for support, warmth and emotional strokes. In other words, looking for emotions on the side. Such an emotional connection is also a kind of betrayal, albeit without sex. Because this "just friendship" over time can easily end in bed.

Negative perfectionism

The main danger for a perfectionist is his tendency to get hung up on trifles. That is, focusing on some insignificant detail, he begins to unrestrainedly spend time on it. How to learn to notice and stop such behavior in time? Method 1. Mini-plans. At the beginning of each hour, write down the tasks you want to complete in that hour. At the end of the hour, summarize what you have done and what you have not. Method 2. "Lighthouse". Place a visible object near your workspace to remind you to keep moving forward. Method 3. External signal. As such, you can use a timer call, a pop-up window or a reminder in the organizer. What to do if you catch yourself stuck, but don't know how to cut it off? In this case, try answering three questions: And does it really need to be done? Can it be done differently? Can it be made easier? Many “very important details” turn out to be not so important after checking.

Taking care of your mental health:

▫️ Meditate for 5 minutes; ▫️ Go outside; ▫️ Read a book for 30 minutes; ▫️ Name 5 things you like about yourself; ▫️ Be grateful to yourself for where you are now.

Useful pretending.

When learning a new skill, pretend you are a professional. Imagine the desired image in detail, create an entourage, and prepare a speech. This useful game will allow you to stay motivated and learn faster.

Affirmations for personal growth.

▫️ I succeed in everything I do. ▫️ I am immensely grateful for the life I live. ▫️ I love myself from the inside out. ▫️ I love myself, no matter what others think. ▫️ I am the only one who can define my self-worth, and I am worthy of my dreams. ▫️ I free myself from negative thoughts, especially negative thoughts about myself. ▫️ I am healthy and full of energy. ▫️ I accept myself as I am.

Life teaches us to combine the extremes:

- love people but be indifferent, - do good but wait for evil, - hope for the best but prepare for the worst, - believe in people but trust no one, - be optimistic but have a realistic outlook, - live with an open heart but let no one in. Оne part of you is supposed to love the world and admire it, while the other one is supposed to always remain alert and cautious.

Teenage habit of some men.

I'm talking about how some "offer to meet" or in some other way are interested in whether the girl wants to start a relationship. Why is this a mistake? Because in this way you demonstrate that you do not understand women at all. Okay, I'll exaggerate. It's just that this "announcement" is not necessary - they are needed for larger "shifts" in your relationship. For example, the issue of living together, getting to know the family, and so on. The question “let’s meet” also demonstrates the guy’s insecurity. “Does she really like me, and is everything in order with us, or can she clarify ???” We do not need these moans! The girl will feel this uncertainty and may even say “bye-bye” after such. And if you want to move to the next stage of the relationship, then don't worry - it will happen without an official announcement.

Intentional mistake.

If you need to build a relationship with someone, I advise you to make a deliberate mistake so that the person needs to correct you. After that, act out admiration for how the interlocutor accurately noticed your flaw and tactfully pointed it out. My experiment showed that the object of manipulation after such a technique would think: “Wow, she (a) knows how to accept criticism and relies on my knowledge. We will continue to communicate."

Don't forget about the law of diminishing returns.

Decided on the impossible? Excellent. Then you must know what barriers you will encounter along the way. One of them, which is often unsettling (if you've ever been on a diet, remember how easy it is at first and difficult afterward) is the law of diminishing returns. The point is simple: the further you advance, the harder it is for you to get better. If suddenly it becomes harder for you than before, then you are on the right track and much closer to the goal than before. Just don't give up.

Sharpen your intuition.

Intuition belongs to our unconscious, which means that in order to improve it we need to work it through. For a long-term effect, meditation, trance, and self-hypnosis (autogenic training) are the best. These practices allow you to temporarily shut off (weaken) your conscious, in other words intellect, and other superstructures over the unconscious, giving it an opportunity to come out. In addition, meditation and similar practices harmonize internal processes, help you listen to your body, your sensations, i.e., your inner voice. There is an effective technique for gaining insight. Step 1. Formulate a task for your intuition (write it down, draw it, say it). Step 2. Shift your focus to things that are not related to your task. Step 3. Turn off your mind - sleep, meditate. Step 4. Go back to the original task, the inner voice will tell you the right direction. Improving your intuition is most effective with a complex approach.

Motivation.

Visualize the end result of your goal, task or idea. Write it down. If necessary, find additional information about your goal/objective/idea, write down its implementation steps. Write down a specific end goal with the condition "if-then". For example, if you are fond of reading books but tend to procrastinate, set yourself the challenge to read 100 pages a day throughout 14 days (if), at the end of which you can buy some stuff you've been dreaming about for a long time. If you feel lazy and cannot bring yourself to do anything, imagine what would happen if you do not complete the task. For example, if you do not wake up at 6 a.m., then you will long beat yourself up for being weak-willed.

How to free up time?⠀

▫️ Planning. A necessary thing that will definitely help you allocate your time as efficiently and proportionately as possible. ▫️ Setting priorities. So, once you've written down all the things to do, you need to determine their level of importance. Prioritizing plays an important role in getting things done efficiently. ▫️ Workplace. This is certainly worth paying attention to! Who would want to work or study in a mess? ▫️ A frog for breakfast. Sounds interesting, doesn't it? In other words, make a habit of taking on the hard work first, not putting it off.